The movie opens in London in 1837. The sentiment of disgust for pirates is made clear by Queen Victoria Regina. Happiness, it seems, will not be hers until all pirates are extinct.

The audience is introduced to the pirate crew as they debate the best part of being a pirate. The Pirate Captain, voiced by Hugh Grant, settles the argument by declaring the best part about being a pirate is “Ham Nite.”

The Pirate Captain begins to discuss the upcoming and illustrious Pirate of the Year award. In previous years, he has lost the competition but is certain that will change this year.

The pirates are evaluated for the award based mainly off the amount of booty they have pillaged, but other aspects are taken into consideration, including their beards, their ability to roar and the bounty on them set by the Queen.

The Pirate Captain is determined to win despite the condescending attitudes of competing pirates and a lack of ships to plunder.

After numerous failed plundering attempts, the Pirate Captain is about to give up on piracy. After a motivational speech given to him by his first mate, he attempts to pillage one more ship.  However, instead of finding treasure he meets Charles Darwin.

The Pirate Captain nearly forces Darwin to walk the plank, but he saves himself at the last minute by commenting on the ship’s beloved parrot Polly. He notices something special about her and promises untold riches if they enter her into the Scientist of the Year contest in London.

Through their encounters with Darwin and Queen Victoria, the pirates learn that nothing is as it seems and that through teamwork and loyalty, dreams can be accomplished.

Although this movie is geared toward children, there are certain elements that may cause parents of younger children some concern. For example, a pirate competing for the Pirate of the Year award named Cutlass Liz, voiced by Salma Hayek, was portrayed in a very sexual manner, including a tight, low-cut shirt that showed off more of her body than it covered. As she entered the bar, a group of pirates call her a trollop. Not the best thoughts to be putting in the minds of children.

However, most college students would not mind the brief sexuality and the humor would be appreciated.  Viewers of all ages will find it hard to not cheer for the Pirate Captain and his crew throughout their adventures.

Overall, the theme of the movie was positive and fun despite a few scenes that may be inappropriate for younger children. It is rated PG and was released into theaters April 27.

Grade: B

© 2012 Sony Pictures Digital Inc.

“21 Jump Street” helped to established Fox as a powerhouse network in 1987.

A young Johnny Depp headed the cast and its episodes dealt with real issues in teenage lives. A remake of the show is now showing at your local cinema, and is definitely worth watching.

In terms of a remake of the old hit, how does the film stack up? Terribly, but this is a good thing. Instead of trying to copy the old show, this movie is the best buddy-cop comedy in years.

It follows two former schoolmates-turned-partners on the police force, played by Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum. The two, undercover, are sent back to high school to bust a drug ring.

The film takes no prisoners with its humor, making fun of everything from high-speed action pursuits to changing ideals of “cool” to the movie itself, with a series of jokes about the fact that the movie is “another remake.”

Tatum plays officer Greg Jenko, a stereotypical dumb jock in high school, who is turned into a social outcast by the vastly different social landscape of modern high school.

Hill plays Morton Schmidt, who was a nerdy loner in high school but who quickly becomes one of his new school’s most popular students while on assignment.

Others include Rob Riggle, who steals the show as the coach Mr. Walters, and Ice Cube as the officer heading the Jump Street program.

Additionally, Johnny Depp makes a brief but memorable cameo that in and of itself is worth noting.

If you want an average comedy, go see something else. If you want to leave the theater wiping tears of laughter off your cheeks, go see “21 Jump Street.”

Grade: A

“21 Jump Street” opened in theaters March 16.

Trailer: http://youtu.be/oF0hzOP2agU

(c) Sony Pictures Digital Inc.

As March 6 approached, many gamers wondered if Mass Effect 3 would be a fitting end to this series and if it could innovate and improve on an already near-perfect game.

The Mass Effect series is arguably the defining series of this console generation. It gave gamers a deep and enthralling story that, through player-made decisions, creates unique game experiences for every player.

Game play in the series has always been fluid. The game balances RPG elements with third-person action beautifully. The graphics have always shown what a game can do in this console generation, nearing photorealism.

With all of this to consider, how can Mass Effect live up to its predecessors? More, how can it improve on the previous two games?

I’m glad to say that this game doesn’t disappoint, meeting and exceeding high expectations. While playing the game, one doesn’t feel like they are playing something revolutionary or new. Mass Effect 3 is like a stone that’s been polished into a gem.

The story opens with a grounded Captain Shepard being brought back into service to save the galaxy. The series’ antagonists, the Reapers, have mounted a full-scale invasion of Earth.

Shepard has to combat the whole band of Reapers with a much weaker crew. He gathers teammates and old allies as the game progresses, with the larger goal of uniting races from around the galaxy, using his greatest weapon: his voice.

Between cutscenes, players explore, investigate and battle to save the universe from the Reapers and the human-first group Cerberus.

As always in the series, battles rely not only on your shooting and/or biotic abilities but how you direct your team. Both are fluid and easy to use but hard to master, making each fight a rewarding challenge for players.

New to the series is the addition of multiplayer mode, allowing players across the world to play co-op. The mode and its unlockable classes are fun but a slight letdown. It seems like an afterthought that should have been either developed more or left out altogether.

Overall, Mass Effect 3 is an amazing game no player should ignore this year. I recommend playing the whole series.

Score: A+

(c) Bioware

When I first picked up “Chesapeake,” Rachael Yamagata’s third full-length release, my inhibitions were met with a sigh of refreshing promise. The first notes of her opening track “Even if I Don’t” show Yamagata’s focus throughout “Chesapeake’s” recording: simply make timeless, ambient, emotional music.

The Virginian piano rock-goddess first played with Bumpus, and has since eventually worked with artists ranging from Jason Mraz to Connor Oberst and Bright Eyes.

Yamagata teamed up with John Alagia, the long-time Dave Matthews Band producer, and packed up her belongings for an in-house recording.

By “in-house” I mean Yamagata moved to Alagia’s Chesapeake Bay retreat, instruments and all, and settled down to make the record.

Yamagata wanted complete freedom over the project, establishing her very own Frankenfish Record label. The two names ‘Chesapeake’ and ‘Frankenfish’ kept floating around, and after careful consideration and a little tequila, the names were picked as her label and first independent release.

Yamagata collected friends across the industry to contribute to “Chesapeake.” From laying down late night drum tracks to vocal recordings and even piano sessions in Alagia’s bedroom (it has the best acoustics), the recording process has become a labor of daily love for all involved. It shows through the tracks.

Occasional breathtaking string sections accompany some of the heartiest guitar riffs in mirroring the output of Yamagata’s vocals and outstanding piano. That’s the surprise of “Chesapeake”: you don’t know what you’re going to get from one track to the next.

The crew responsible for the production is a patched-together bunch from all over the indie world. Victor Indrizzo slipped away from his drumming duties for Sheryl Crow’s tour to lay drum tracks. Michael Chaves, guitarist with John Mayer’s band, slept on the couch and laid guitar down when needed.

Yamagata depended on Camera+ and the iPhone to deliver stellar album artwork, and it did. All funds and frequent flier miles were scraped together in the making of “Chesapeake.”

The devotion and patience it took to make this album is evident and Yamagata’s approach is glimmering in each track.

My favorites include “Dealbreaker,” a sultry, slowed-down ballad that compliments her voice wonderfully. She has a smoky, new-age, Janis swagger to her vocals, and I can’t get enough.

Give the album’s opener, “Even if I Don’t” a try. There is a huge shift from traditional mainstream to this track. Some make you want to dance and others make you want to find the bottom of a bottle.

Overall, I believed “Chesapeake” to be an enthralling album. However, I personally appreciate her earlier work. If you like more mainstream, gentle music, “Cheaspeake” is worth your while. At least check her out on YouTube. “Reason Why” was truly a song that tugged at my heartstrings.

GRADE: C+

It’s hard to find places in Tucson with great food and reasonable prices, so it was refreshing to step into The B Line for breakfast.

There are plenty of places around town to get breakfast and some are even pretty cheap, but they don’t always offer high quality food.

The B Line is a smallish building on Fourth Avenue, with lots of traffic between the kitchen and dining tables. Breakfast hours are 7 to 11 a.m. Monday through Friday, and 7 a.m. to noon on Saturday and Sunday.

The B Line serves a tasty, affordable entree of eggs, toast and potatoes. Photo By MIKI JENNINGS

It can get very busy in the mornings, especially when the kitchen is about to switch over to lunch. You might have to fight for seating but it’s worth the effort.

The breakfast menu isn’t expansive but offers the basics: eggs, breakfast burritos served with fresh salsa and crepe-style pancakes (pan crêpes) served with rich pecan butter and smooth maple syrup.

You can add sides such as fruit cups, spinach and chorizo.

The B Line’s eggs are cage-free, well cooked and flavorful. If you want something sweet to go with them, order the 2×2 plate that comes with two scrambled eggs and two pancake-sized crêpes.

Early risers can order from a wide selection of coffees, juices or teas.

If you’re not too stuffed after breakfast, sample something from the rotating dessert case. Treats, made fresh every day, include cookies, tarts, cake, pie, pot de crème and macaroons.

We tried the milk-and-white chocolate mousse, served with chocolate garnishes. It was smooth, creamy and rich.

Breakfast prices range from $3-$7. Cheaper items include biscuits and crêpe short stacks, while full plates are more expensive. Desserts cost $6 or less.

FYI:

The B Line

Address: 621 N. Fourth Ave.

Phone: 882-7575

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 7 a.m.-9 p.m., Friday-Saturday 7 a.m.-10 p.m.

Website: blinerestaurant.com

Life has a certain motion. Before we can walk, we must crawl. Sony’s new portable gaming system, the PS Vita, on the other hand, has not even reached infancy but already has a running start against its competition.

With one of the best launch lineups in video game history, a gorgeous OLED screen and dual analog sticks, the Vita has everything gamers want in their hands, minus the uber cute anime girl.

The menu interface moves fluidly and the touch screen is surprisingly responsive. If you have any experience using an Apple device, you should feel right at home.

Photo Illustration By MIKI JENNINGS

Does it feel a bit rip-offish? Admittedly it does. In Sony’s defense, it mocks the style well without seeming tacky.

As with any new sexy tech, it’s the inside that matters.

Vita’s opulent 5-inch OLED screen sports a 4-core processor and 512 megabytes of RAM. It has a resolution of 960×544. In other words, the Nintendo 3DS looks last-generation by comparison.

For those worried about the weight, it’s not as heavy as it looks. At 9.8 ounces, the Vita fits into its tight dressing with some lovely handles on the back to assist with grip.

Even though I had no issue with the weight, the width can be overwhelming. Stood on its side, the Vita is a tad over 7 inches. Many people might find it cumbersome to squeeze that much into their pockets, especially since skinny jeans are in style.

If you are feeling artsy, the Vita has two cameras, one rear and one front. The biggest downfall for this feature is the quality it produces. The pictures look as if I resurrected my first flip phone from T-Mobile.

The saving grace is that the video can capture images at a staggering 120 frames per second, but it will look like garbage.

Though the button layout is similar to the PSP, the addition of a right analog stick makes this truly a game changer in the world of handhelds.

“Uncharted: Golden Abyss” is probably the strongest argument for an additional analog stick. Having that sense of complete control really pushes it over the edge for having a console-like experience.

Information about the 3G service has been spotty at best, kind of like AT&T’s coverage — which incidentally is the Vita’s provider.

Setting up the system for the service was beyond a nightmare. I would not recommend getting the 3G model unless it is your only option.

But if you are a glutton for punishment and wish to take advantage of the 3G feature, you can send messages, synch trophy info, look in the Playstation store, use a subpar web browser and access certain apps such as Near.

Be warned, though: You cannot download anything larger than 20MB over 3G. That basically means you will not be able to download any games available through the Playstation store.

By now you may be thinking this review is not exactly glowing, but there is a twist in the third act — the games.

By the Feb. 22 launch date, there will be at least 26 games available.  Anyone who has been a part of a system launch knows that is quite impressive. Even more impressive: I already have six of those games and could easily recommend six more on top of that.

If having great games was not enough, Sony has pledged to have every Vita game come out in a digital format on the same day as its physical counterpart.

The incentive for buying games digitally is not only the obvious convenience but the fact it will be sold at a 10 percent discount.

Imagine this: In the near future, you will be able to play a fully featured “Call of Duty” game on the go. Need I say more, bro?

Just like life, the Vita is not perfect. However, it is too wonderful to miss out on. With time, it has serious potential to become the greatest gaming handheld of this generation.

Grade: A-

FYI

Notable games at launch:

1. “Uncharted: Golden Abyss”
2. “Lumines: Electronic Symphony”
3. “Super Stardust Delta”(download only)
4. “Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3”
5. “Touch My Katamari”
6. “FFIA Soccer”
7. “BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Extreme”
8. “Escape Plan”(Download Only)
9. “Rayman Origins”
10. “Tales From Space: Mutant Blobs Attack”(download only)
11. “Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus”
12. “Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational”

Friday, Feb. 24:

The Holy Rolling Empire with Mergence and The Electric Blankets at Plush, 340 E. Sixth St. Doors open at 9 p.m. $5 at door. 21+. Details: plushtucson.com.

In the stellar environment that a small venue provides, the Holy Rolling Empire will be a delight worth the five dollars crumpled in your pocket.

The only respectable alternative would be saving for the Merle Haggard show on Feb. 28 at the Fox Theatre. However, that $65 ticket price is pretty steep, compadre, and the show is sold out.

Holy Rolling Empire is not just another pop-rock indie quartet. The guys are all local and put on a hell of a show wherever they play. Whether it’s The Hut, Club Congress or even a backyard, they are a loud, foot-stomping, dance-provoking sort of band.

Mergence front man Adam Bruce is a progressive spin on traditional bluesy vocals. Check out his track, “The Road.” It’s like My Morning Jacket had sex with The Black Keys … well, not literally. But you get the point — awesome music.

College Times called Bruce’s voice “an updated version of Jim Morrison’s laid-back, rolls-off-the-tongue phrasing.”

And why not toss in another local garage rock gem with The Electric Blankets?

Seriously, it’s five dollars. GO.

Friday, March 2:

Pink Floyd Laser Spectacular at the Rialto Theatre, 318 E. Congress St. Doors open at 7 p.m. $20 in advance, $22 day of show. General admission, all ages. Details: rialtotheatre.com.

In 1986, jazz and blues concert producer Steve Monistere combined two of the coolest things on the planet, aside from Tagalongs and Kung-fu films.

He teamed with a Texas laser production company to create Laser Spectacular set to Pink Floyd music, and sold out the first two shows at Woodlawn Theatre in San Antonio.

In 1991, “Laser Dave” McConkey became tour production manager, and is still the manager to this day.

After 24 years, the Laser Spectacular is both the world’s longest touring laser show and the longest touring theater show in history.

Here’s what I suggest: Dust off that vinyl you scored from your parents (or your own records, for our older readers) and dance around with lasers in hand. Just make sure your blinds are closed.

For Laser Spectacular, purchase tickets as soon as possible. Rialto tends to sell out shows.

-Compiled by Kyle Wasson

NEW TV SHOWS

It’s the time of year for an influx of new TV. Fresh midseason episodes are popping up all over the place. Here’s a list of shows worth checking out if you haven’t already.

‘The Walking Dead’ (AMC):

I can think of few better ways to put off my homework than by watching “The Walking Dead” horror series. I’ve been anxiously awaiting new episodes since the show ended during finals week last December. Its midseason premiere aired Feb. 12.

If you’re bummed about missing the most recent episodes, catch up online so you’re ready for next Sunday’s episode.

More info: amctv.com/shows/the-walking-dead.

‘Archer’ (FX):

If you missed previous seasons of “Archer,” check it out now. It’s an animated spy comedy with a perfect combination of quirky characters and great writing.

Calling it a spy comedy might be a tad misleading, since that aspect doesn’t make up nearly as much of the show as the witty banter. That said, it’s a great show.

More info: fxnetworks.com/shows/originals/archer.

‘Californication’ (Showtime):

Now in its fifth season, “Californication” stars David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a writer with a penchant for strong booze and attractive women.

The series follows Moody through his tangles with shady characters, law enforcement, women and their jealous boyfriends. The most recent season has Moody collaborating with an intimidating rapper with anger problems, played by RZA of Wu-Tang Clan.

More info: sho.com/site/californication/home.sho.

-Compiled by Miki Jennings

The Roots – “Undun”

Released By Def Jam Records, Jan 24

Jimmy Fallon’s late-night band, The Roots, has returned with “Undun,” their 10th full-length album. It’s a storyteller with potential for greatness.

The core sound of the group is still mind-numbing instrumentals making way for the usual soul-infused melodies we love.

“Undun” is a story told backwards. Redford Stephens, the main character, is an everyday hustler from the streets. His work and his lifestyle reflect the world in which he lives, a world that never changes.

?uestlove’s beats are as insane as ever, adding the necessary funk of a usual Roots album. However, the story does seem a little one-dimensional. The everyday tale of money-lured gangsters and seafood dinners seems to be the recurring theme.

The potential for this record was extraordinary. The boys from Philly settled for mediocrity as far as story goes. Can’t say the same for the music. Give it a shot.

iTunes allows users to sample the complete album at its website:   http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/undun/id478164170.

Grade: C+

From theroots.com

“The Vow,” starring Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, is a romantic comedy for people who enjoy being miserable. The plot is generic, depressing and predictable. In other words, it’s everything a romance movie should be.

The action begins right away in the opening scene when a married couple gets into a devastating car accident. After spending some time in a coma, the wife wakes up only to realize that she has no recollection of her husband or their life together.

The majority of the movie after that focuses on the pain caused by her lack of memory and his attempts to get her to fall back in love with him.

The storyline is reminiscent of “A Walk to Remember” and every other Nicholas Sparks novel-turned-movie. Unlike those movies, however, Tatum and McAdams are both sufficiently good at crying on cue (which is good, because there is a lot of crying).

Overall, “The Vow” was good, but doesn’t have much to set it apart from all the other romance movies out there. The leads are attractive, the dialogue is cheesy and the storyline is played out. No matter how many times they rehash the classic love story, though, there will still be plenty of people who want to go see it.

Bottom line: This movie is worth seeing but will rely heavily on opening up on Valentine’s Day to make money. Women everywhere will love it and men everywhere will be dragged to it and like it while pretending they hate it.

Grade: C+

“The Vow” opens in theaters Feb. 10.

Trailer:  http://youtu.be/7JoXHO3ceUY

(c) Sony Pictures

I’ve got a list, and I am checking it twice. With it you will know which games this year were naughty or nice.

NICE

Playstation 3

Santa’s pick: “Uncharted 3”

2011 was the year of the three-quel. You had “Modern Warfare 3,” “Gears of War 3” and “Killzone 3.” Of the three, the nicests came from developer Naughty Dog in the form of “Uncharted 3.” Proving the third time’s the charm, U3 leads the three-quel herd with finesse by setting a new standard for game presentation.

Elves’ picks:  “inFAMOUS 2,” “No More Heroes: Heroes Paradise” and “God of War: Origins Collection”

XBOX 360

Santa’s pick: “Gears of War 3”

While “Gears of War 3” is an amazing game, it wins almost by default. With Microsoft’s exclusive lineup being so thin, GOW 3 does what it must to bulk up the slim pickings. Even though it follows a strict “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach, it still has enough variety in the narrative to motivate players to reach the closure-centric ending.

Elves’ picks: “Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary,” “Dance Central 2” and “The Gunstringer”

Wii

Santa’s pick: “The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword”

No surprise here. The Wii has had a tough year, with declining console and game sales. Link saves the system from complete destruction.

Elves’ pick: Buying another copy of “The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword”

Multi-platform

Santa’s pick: “The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim”

Selling about half of what the newest “Call of Duty” did, “Skyrim” shows the world that nerdism is not dead and stats matter. Fixing most of the problems “Oblivion” had, “Skyrim” shows how well an open-ended RPG can work and should keep you entertained until the apocalypse of 2012.

Elves’ picks: “CathErine,” “Portal 2,” “Saints Row: The Third,” “Dead Space 2” and “Deus Ex: Human Revolution”

NAUGHTY

PS3

Pick for the fireplace: “DC Universe Online”

This year was probably Sony’s strongest yet, but there’s always one brat who ruins it for everyone. That little imp is “DC Universe Online.” Launching with horrible gameplay glitches and weak mechanics, DCUO had no chance of surviving in the current market of MMOs. The game is still on life support and has become so desperate for players that you can now download the full game for free.

Other disappointments: “Killzone 3” and “Tekken Hybrid”

XBOX 360

Pick for the fireplace: “Fruit Ninja Kinect”

For a game that is free on Android and a dollar on iPhone, I can’t justify the $10 price tag on this port. “Fruit Ninja Kinect” is the prime example of why digitally distributed games are not ready to become the new standard format for consoles, thanks to ridiculous prices. Also, the Kinect controls don’t hold a candle to its phone-friendly counterparts.

Other disappointments: “Carnival Games: Monkey See, Monkey Do” and “Rise of Nightmares”

Wii

Pick for the fireplace: “101-in-1 Sports Party Megamix”

Publisher Atlus must have really needed a paycheck. I can’t find one reason why anyone should be subjected to this shovelware unless they have committed crimes against humanity. A warning to all you mothers out there: Seeing this game in the bargain bin does not make it a good deal. Spend the extra five bucks and buy your loved ones a giant Hershey bar.

Other disappointments: “Just Dance 3,” “Conduit 2” and “Mario Sports Mix.”

Multi-platform

Pick for the fireplace: “Call of Juarez: The Cartel”

If someone translated one of those low-budget Mexican-made action films, they would create something very similar to “Call of Juarez: the Cartel.” Not only is this probably the worse shooter of the year, this might be one of the worst products ever released to the public for $60.

Other disappointments: “Dragon Age II,” “Rage,” “Brink” and “Homefront”

Photo illustration by Miki Jennings