Parody

Trump suffers from STD

April 1, 2018

By ERIC TEEL In a revelation sending shockwaves through the corridors of Washington, leaked medical records from Trump’s personal physician have confirmed that the president suffers from advanced neurosyphilis. The documents show that the president contracted the sexually transmitted disease in 2009 while he was in Ukraine to judge the annual Miss Teen Ukraine pageant. […]

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National Rifle Association gunning for PCC

April 1, 2018

By NICHOLAS TRUJILLO In a chaotic world where schools often are the target of gun violence, one group is taking matters into its own cold hands. The National Rifle Association is the unlikely candidate to have a hand in helping end violence. The group plans to buy out Pima Community College properties to turn into […]

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Little Pima on the prairie

April 1, 2018

By MICHELLE TRUJILLO Over the past year, Pima Community College has developed an uncontrollable infestation of the Cynomys gunnisoni. They are small herbivorous rodents that burrow in the ground and are better known as prairie dogs. Prairie dogs have been spotted by students around all six campuses. Students even have witnessed the cute but damaging […]

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Pima arms staff following Trump’s directions

April 1, 2018

By NORA THOMPSON Pima instructors are strapped and loving it. In light of recent mass shootings, the only logical option is to pass out military-grade assault rifles to underpaid educators with no formal training. “I can’t wait to get strapped. When a kid misbehaves I’m just gonna go grattatatstatatatatata,” said Janice Anderson, an adjunct math […]

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APRIL FOOLS’ BY THE NUMBERS

April 1, 2014

Compiled by Shana Rose 1392* Year of first April Fools’ Day 800** Number of deaths caused annually by pranks gone wrong 112* Fake body parts purchased annually for pranks $7,000* Annual amount spent for elaborate pranks 30** Percentage of people who quit their jobs as a prank 12** Percentage of women who use pregnancy as […]

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Arizona governor changes tune

April 1, 2014

By DAVID J. DEL GRANDE Arizona governor Jan Brewer has decided to resign from her position, effective immediately. Brewer was sworn into her governorship January 2009 after Janet Napolitano resigned in order to become the Secretary of Homeland Security. Brewer has apparently mimicked her predecessor but in a contrasting pursuit of a music career. “I’m […]

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Local rapper brings heart back to beat

April 1, 2014

By SEBASTAIN BARAJAS Local hip-hop artist and fashion enthusiast Preez Magnificent, 23, tailors his music to fans but stays true to his tune. From his humble border-town beginnings in Bisbee to the lyrical crusade he undertook to promote love, and protest SB 1062, this rapper knows words can be double-edged. “Yo, words can be used […]

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STOMPING GROUNDS: Circle K is king of convenience

April 1, 2014

By ANDREW PAXTON It’s 3 a.m., you are hungry, thirsty and tired. Your car also needs a quart of oil, your cat needs food and there is a new movie on DVD you really want to see. Why isn’t there a store on every corner of Tucson that can solve all those problems while only […]

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Creed resurrects music

April 1, 2014

By JAMIE VERWYS Where were you when critically acclaimed rock geniuses Creed unleashed their monumental single, “With Arms Wide Open”? Ask any true music aficionado this question, and not only can they tell you the exact spot, they can tell you how many times they listened to it on repeat. “I remember I was flipping […]

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Pima growers go international

April 1, 2014

By MICHAEL ANDERSON After scoring a historic upset at the National Indoor Championships, The Pima Community College Hydroponics Club is headed to the 2014 International Cannabis Cup in Holland. The club took home the gold medal after defeating more celebrated teams from Oaksterdam University, the University of Colorado, and Harvard Medical School. The Nationals were […]

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Hip-hop holograms haunting Pima

April 1, 2014

By SHANA ROSE The creators who brought Tupac “2Pac” Shakur back from the grave at Coachella 2012, San Diego-based business AV Concepts, will soon be bringing their “Dead Hip-Hop Tour” to Pima Community College. The tour is sponsored by Andre “Dr. Dre” Romelle Young and is scheduled to make stops at universities and colleges that […]

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