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Horoscope: Nov. 23- Dec. 7

Horoscope: Nov. 23- Dec. 7

By S. PAUL BRYAN

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

“Open up your eyes for me people, the prophecies are true and the beast is real.” ―Jonathan Anthony Burkett

The beast is real. RUUUNNNN!!!!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

“It’s the end of the world every day, for someone.” ―Margaret Atwood

…and that someone just might be you, Capricorn. Or maybe not. But maybe so.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. —R.E.M.

Good for you, Aquarius. Have fun, go wild and start on that bucket list now. Enjoy it while you can.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

“And I saw another angel ascending from the east, having the seal of the living God: and he cried with a loud voice to the four angels, to whom it was given to hurt the earth and the sea, saying, Hurt not the earth, neither the sea, nor the trees, till we have sealed the servants of our God in their foreheads.” —Revelations 7:2-3

Yeah, it’s at that level, Pisces.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

“My zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.” —Graham Parke

Not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

“Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.” —Roger Zelazny

Oh, don’t worry. You’ll be “woke,” my friend.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

“What about your apocalypse then? Well, the universe is a leaf on a time-tree, and come autumn it’s going to shrivel and fall off into hell.” —China Mieville

Nothing I can do about it, Gemini. Nothing you can do about it. Accept your fate.

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

“We see the storm clouds gathering and events taking place that herald the second coming of Jesus Christ.” ―Billy Graham

Once Jesus comes the second time, it’s definitely over. (Somehow the guy that can cure the blind and turn water into wine never has a third round in him.)

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

“What were they thinking? It’s an alien apocalypse! Quick, grab the beer!” ―Rick Yancey

Leo, it’s time to tie one on. You’ll most definitely want to be drunk before the aliens get you.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

“The sun will expand and engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.” ―Neil deGrasse Tyson

At least Neil makes it seem quick, although it does sound a bit like religious teachings of hell. Have a nice day, hahahahaha.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“The atomic bomb was created with the destruction of men in mind” ―Bangambiki Habyarimana

And the USA just voted Donald Trump for president. Good luck with that.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“No one is going to survive without throwing up like 5,000 times” —Paul Bryan II

I’m not sure if this guarantees the end of the world but if Paul Bryan II says so, than it is so.

Horoscope: Nov. 10-23

Horoscope: Nov. 10-23

By DAVID PUJOL

 Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Friendship is important, Scorpio, but please stop being psychotic. Instead of worrying about your friends, listen to them and be thankful for the changing of the autumn leaves.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

Your looks are the least of your worries, Sagittarius. Instead of worrying about your sense of style, be thankful for that one time you were the line leader in second grade.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

Capricorn, the world is a dangerous place and always will be. Instead of worrying about your safety 24/7, be thankful for the fact that you are breathing and still alive.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aquarius, instead of worrying about what other people think of your hair, clothes or beliefs, just be thankful for that time you called your pet by its name and it actually came to you.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

Pisces, you worry too much about those you love. They will be OK. Instead of worrying, be thankful for that one time your parents let you play hooky when it snowed.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You need to take some “you” time, Aries. Take a class, do some yoga or find some other form of self-care. Relax and love yourself. Be thankful for people who get their desired results on a pregnancy test.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You may be very unsure of what you want in your love life or school or career, Taurus, but it’s OK. You’ll figure it out. Instead of being concerned with that, be thankful for that one perfect song to which you know all the lyrics.

 Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Life may be confusing and your future may just seem like a daydream, Gemini, but you are going places. Be thankful for the setting sun creating a masterpiece of a sunset in our Arizona sky.

 Cancer (June 21- July 22)

Cancer, you may be sad but that isn’t a new feeling. You are stronger than you know. Smile, laugh, create and be thankful for that someone who can make you laugh when things get tough.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

The semester might be kicking your ass, Leo, but you can do this. Your GPA won’t matter in 30 years, so try not to give it more than 30 minutes of worry now. Instead, be thankful for the feeling you get when you’ve accomplished a lot.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

Virgo, success will happen. Just give it time. Instead of worrying about when you’ll make it, be thankful for the fact that modern medicine has cured so many awful diseases.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Now is not the time for an identity crisis or a full mental breakdown, Libra. Pull it together instead of worrying about your self-image. Be thankful for the answer pages in the back of some textbooks.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

By DAVID PUJOL

 

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

I’d like to say thank you, Virgo. It might not be said as often as it should be but know we’re thankful for you! Don’t get discouraged if you aren’t praised for your kindness. If life gets too hard, become an artist.

 

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

It may seem as if no one is concerned with your feelings or opinions, Libra, but that is not the case. You are so helpful, and your voice matters even when no one asks. If it gets too hard, become a talk show host.

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Times may be hard, Scorpio, but it’s the beginning of a new school year so stay strong. I won’t pry but I hope you’re OK. People care for you. If you disagree, you can become a stripper.

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

It may seem as if there’s a lot of negativity present in the coming weeks. Just know, Sagittarius, that you need to be positive. If you disagree, become an accountant.

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

It can be very hard work, Capricorn, but you need to put in the effort. Don’t give up. If it gets too difficult, become a tattoo artist.

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You love it, Aquarius, when someone acknowledges what is actually going on. Ignorance isn’t bliss and you should take pride in your voice. If you disagree, become a presidential candidate.

 

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

I know how horrible it feels when no one wants to listen to you. But Pisces, just tell us what is going on with you. If it gets too hard, become a struggling writer.

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

It seems obvious that you want appreciation, Aries. Just know you are an awesome human being. If life gets too hard, become a firefighter.

 

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

It’s OK to step outside of your comfort zone, Taurus. You may feel exposed but you are brave for doing so. We care and you’ll have our support. If you disagree, become a chef.

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You are always changing, Gemini. It’s only human nature to do so, but others may see you as two-faced or artificial. Please don’t listen to them. If you disagree, become a model.

 

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

You’re very insecure, Cancer, and may need reassurance that you are valued. It’s awful to feel unappreciated but just wait: Your loved ones will let you know they love you. If life gets too hard, become a teacher.

 

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

You are very charming, Leo, and often get away with things that would trip up most other people. However, you should reconsider some of your actions. If life gets too hard, become an actor.

 

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

By S. PAUL BRYAN

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

“Why do all balls look like they’re 150 years old?” -Whitney Cummings

Think of the information you’ve absorbed this year. Try to figure out why we, as humans, haven’t found the answer to Ms. Cummings question. It’s a brain teaser. Happy birthday.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

“College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.” -Natasha Leggero

It’s true, Gemini. Alcoholism is an issue that you are working your way into, not away from. With your all-night drinking and “a little hair of the dog,” things aren’t looking good. Get help.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

“I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.” -George Carlin

Cancer, just don’t die this month and I think everything will be OK … at least for this month.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

“I don’t set out to offend or shock, but I also don’t do anything to avoid it.” -Sarah Silverman

You’ve done it again, Leo. You’ve pissed everyone off and didn’t even mean to. They’re upset, but what are you supposed to do? Tip toe around all of these sensitive people? Nope.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.” -Richard Pryor

Keep at it, Virgo. Things will work out eventually. Don’t forget the witness and make sure to get those signatures in ink on the pre-nup.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“Just because you are blind and unable to see my beauty doesn’t mean it does not exist.” -Margaret Cho

Do your thing, Libra. This is your month to shine. Get out there and be as beautiful as you want to be because you are just that, beautiful.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“I’m Dave Chappelle and I’m a chronic masturbator.” -Dave Chappelle

Hey, Scorpio. Guess what you and Mr. Chappelle have in common. Yep. Do yourself, and those around you, a favor. Get a partner!

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

“I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people … that’s why I don’t like any of them.” -Roseanne Barr

People. Who needs them? Not you. Stick to yourself over the coming weeks and enjoy your solitude. Go ahead, have some “me” time.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering, and it’s all over much too soon.” -Woody Allen

Think about it, Capricorn. Life’s a ____ and then you die. So, instead of letting life be a ____ to you, make life your ____. You’ll find it much more enjoyable that way.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.” -Whoopi Goldberg

That’s right Aquarius, let your freak flag fly! Have fun, go wild and be yourself. Your life is set up for you to be however you want to be.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

“Life is a four-letter word.” -Lenny Bruce

Sorry Pisces, this isn’t your month. Prepare yourself for the bad side of that bipolar conundrum we all call LIFE.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

“Everything’s amazing right now, and nobody’s happy.” -Louis C.K.

Aries, take a look around you and appreciate what the astrological gods have given you. Stop and smell the roses. Life is good.

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

By AUDRIE FORD

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You’re patient with those around you, but can be greedy. Remember the azalea during these upcoming weeks. The flower stands for a timeless message, “Take care of yourself for me.”

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Imagine a peaceful cattail blowing in the wind by a stream whenever you start to fall off balance. This plant symbolizes peace and hope for prosperity.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
You are loving, but cautious. It can be difficult for you to let go of things. A pink carnation indicates remembrance, fascination and divine love.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Though Leos are brave and faithful, they may be a bit bossy. Think of the pale peach rose, and dwell on its message of modesty and humility.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You are reliable, but can be a bit shy in front of others. As strange as it may seem, tuck a garlic flower into your breast pocket. Borrow some courage from this unusual plant.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Libras are idealistic peacemakers who can sometimes get their heads stuck in the clouds. The gladiolus, or sword lily, will remind you to stick to your principles while maintaining sincerity.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your powerful personality and go-to drive could translate into stubbornness. Consider coreopsis blooms and their message of cheerfulness when you feel like it must be your way or the highway.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Your incredible optimism is a desirable trait, but don’t let it turn into irresponsible outbursts around friends. The cattleya orchid symbolizes mature charm.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Though practicality is a good trait, it can turn you into a pessimist. Think of the yellow rose when life starts to get you down. Let its message of friendship and joy lift your spirits.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Your honesty makes you interesting company, but you may find it difficult to connect. The iris, which stands for a loving message of meaningful friendship, will remind you to keep in touch with loved ones.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Your imagination can become your escape from reality. White heather symbolizes protection and the idea that wishes will come true. Remeber this when your selflessness puts you at risk of being hurt by others.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Hotheaded and adventurous, you are a red or pink hyacinth flower. This flower symbolizes playfulness, and reminds you to not overwork yourself as the semester winds down.

HOROSCOPES

HOROSCOPES

By MICHEAL ROMERO

Aries (March 21-April 19)

“Did you see that ruca? She looks just like Salinas!” Bust out the “Washer Machine” and all of your dad’s Selena albums.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

“What’d you say about my mama? You feel sorry for who?” Add King Kendrick’s new album to your playlist and get caught up in delinquent-type activities. You’re a rebel.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

“Are y’all throwing a party? There’s rumors … in the Twittersphere.” Throw a party and bump “Gas Pedal” by Sage the Gemini all night. It’s still a banger.

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

“But you ain’t got no legs Lt. Dan!” Go for a run. Wear a reflective vest so you don’t get run over. Play “Free Bird” and begin your run at the end of the song where it gets all fast.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

“A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun.” Take charge of a situation and show everyone who is boss. Listen to “Circle of Life” and eat an antelope … or maybe just a cantaloupe.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

“Allow nothing to be in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.” Time for Spring cleaning. Purge the excess in your life with songs by DJ Shadow as the soundtrack.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’” Make sure you’re registered to vote and bump “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister in the process.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“Thunder always comes after lightning, ka-chow!” Go fast and go hard. You’re invincible. Listen to “Kickstart My Heart” by Motley Crue in the car really loud.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

“Mohammed is the most commonly used name on Earth, read a F-ing book for once!” Get a good read in during your spare time. Listen to jazz without vocals, like some Stan Getz tracks.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

“I’ve never had one before … What a room to yourself? A bed.” You’re tired and need to sleep. Play ocean sounds or ambient Brian Eno music while you nap and reflect on all that you have.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“So you’re a killer? Let me see your war face!” Go aggressive with your workout and yell really loud at the gym as you finish sets. Play the Full Metal Jacket soundtrack like you’re training for Vietnam.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

“You’re a wizard, Harry.” There’s magic in the air, so be magical. Play “Rude” by MAGIC! because that song is still sweet.

HOROSCOPE

HOROSCOPE

By DAVID PUJOL

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your imagination is incredibly vibrant, Pisces. You will need to make a choice soon. You have big dreams so don’t set them aside.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You’ve sent away your inner child, Aries. Remember to dance and sing. Because you are so set on everyone only seeing you at your best, you’ve lost the part of you that doesn’t care.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You have a good eye for seeing true beauty, Taurus. If you really love a flower, don’t pick it no matter how beautiful it is. Find the beauty within yourself so you can see it in everyone else.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Your mind is full of so much noise, Gemini. Sometimes the noise is demented, the little bastard in your head who says your art isn’t beautiful. I’m going to tell you a secret: it’s wrong.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You enjoy photographs because they’re reminders mostly of the good times. They tell you that even if it’s just for one second, everything can be perfect. You are being tested this month, Cancer, and you’ll do just fine.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

The passion within you is incredibly strong, Leo. It’s time to award some of that passion to someone who’s been after your heart for quite a while, but only if you deem him or her worthy. Don’t give away parts of yourself for someone else’s happiness.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You’re very analytical, Virgo, and find comfort in things that make sense to you. That is why you need to step out and believe in something you cannot see.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You use style and aesthetics to distract from your flaws, Libra. Yes, we know you have flaws. Be strong and allow yourself to show the world that you even find your flaws to be beautiful.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You need to move on, Scorpio. Forgive and forget. Allow yourself and the other party to heal. You’re bright and lovely, so don’t dwell on the dark and scary times.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You’re an optimist at heart, Sagittarius. Your luminosity is wonderful, so please share it with those who may be going through some dark times.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You’re filled with determination, Capricorn. People might not see your willful nature, and that is their loss. You have much to offer, and you will persevere.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’re so serious and set on the goals you want to accomplish this year, Aquarius. Someone in your life needs a little insight, so kindly offer up some of your substantial knowledge.

Horoscope

By JASON WEIR

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20)

It’s a leap year, so take a leap of faith. Try something out of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to feel like a fish out of water.

Aries

(March 21-April 19)

Stop ramming your head against the wall as an effort in futility. Take advantage of the extra day to center your chi.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20)

You need to stop trying to be the tough one. Your anger leaves you seeing red. Let someone bully you today.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21)

You are spending too much energy and time in an effort to mirror others. You need more than a day to find your individuality.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22)

Every four years the moon shines on you, child. It has given you a longer year so you have an extra day to be crabby.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Give yourself a rest because you have an extra day to spend lion around. Let your roar be heard the rest of the year.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You are stuck in a rut. This is the time to try new things. Make today a day for a maiden voyage.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Homeostasis is not just science for you; it is your lifestyle. You always strive for balance. Today, tip the scales in your favor.

Scorpio

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

The world dislikes you and that encourages your temptation to sting. Use your extra day to refocus your attack.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You are only as good as your aim. Quit horsing around and use the extra day of practice to help you hit your bull’s-eye.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your ruling nature makes you baa-d-ass, however, once every four years, be good for a day.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This leap year is your chance to find your true self. You have to leave the dry river and find your water.

Horoscope

Horoscope

By S. PAUL BRYAN

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” – Joan Rivers

Aquarius, you’re not what they’d call a looker. Hit the gym or make a cosmetic surgery appointment. Either way, love is not in your forecast.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

“Love is a promise delivered already broken.”

– Steve Martin

You will never live up to the standards of your partner, and your partner will never reach your unrealistic ideal. You lie too often in your honeymoon stage. I implore you to simply give up.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield

You’re going to ruin your life and someone else’s. Reflect upon the ramifications of halting the progression of another human being’s life.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

“A kiss may ruin a human life.” – Oscar Wilde

Before you go throwing your lips all over whomever will let you, think of the life you might be ruining. The life may be your own.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

“I used to love her, but I had to kill her.”

– Axl Rose

O.J. Simpson loved somebody. Kurt Cobain was in Love, too. Robert Blake and Sid Vicious were madly in love. Gemini, this Valentine’s Day you should stay out of love … and out of prison.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

“Must be another one she loves”

– Mac DeMarco

Cancer, are you sitting down? Your loved one is cheating on you. Hell, your little angel has been cheating throughout your relationship. Sure, you could find someone else, but the stars are in line with Jupiter, so this will only happen again.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.”

– Garry Shandling

Leo, your new nickname is The Iron Curtain. I’d tell you to open up, but the stars won’t have it. You’re a danger to all hearts. Do us a favor on Feb. 14: stay home and watch Netflix.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.”

– Chris Rock

Sorry, Virgo. You’re screwed, no, not in a good way. The alignment of Saturn’s moons won’t allow any passion for you. You’re destined for romantic dissatisfaction, indefinitely.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.” – Bob Dylan

Do you desire wisdom or love? Both the setting of Venus and Mr. Dylan say you can’t have both. Make a choice: smart or stupid. Your call.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“Got my mojo working, but it just won’t work on you” – Muddy Waters

You’re a cool cat. Unfortunately, the one you want doesn’t want you. The stars tell me your plight has to do with Uranus. You’re going to be a sad and lonely little kitten this Valentine’s Day.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx

Who knows (other than me, of course) whether you’ll experience love. The planets are definite, however, that no one loves you now. You have zero chance of getting any late-night romance.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Capricorn, you’re not satisfying anyone with your current actions. Stop giving it up to everyone who strolls by. The stars will eventually align in your favor.

Horoscope

By MELINA CASILLAS

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aquarius, your aloof nature may make you yearn for some alone time but as your birthday approaches don’t be afraid to go out and have fun.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Something smells fishy and it’s not just your zodiac sign, Pisces. Someone will probably take your selflessness for granted sometime this year, but don’t let it discourage you.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your adventurous and energetic personality has already gotten you into some sticky situations. Try taking it easy, Aries. Remember, you still have the rest of 2016 ahead of you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

As a persistent and determined person, Taurus, your New Year’s resolution hasn’t gone as planned. Maybe try again next year?

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Gemini, having two different sides gives you and those around you whiplash. Whether it be your more sociable side or your introverted side, try to find your dominant side this year and embrace it.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Getting to know you is hard to do, Cancer. Get in touch with your own emotions and try opening up more. You’ll make an unlikely life-long friend.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

As a strong Leo, you know what you like and what you don’t like. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You like to describe yourself as an “organized mess,” Virgo. This has caused some commotion for you in the past. Sit yourself down and get organized. It’ll make this year easier.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Partnership is important to you, Libra, but a watched pot never boils. Don’t go looking for love this year, just have fun and let it come to you.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

As a decisive, intuitive person, Scorpio, make sure to always go with your gut feeling. It won’t let you down, unless that’s the direction you want to go.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Your free-spirit nature doesn’t have you tied down to a resolution this year, Sagittarius, but having goals is always good. Try to set a goal for the year, even if it’s to drink more water.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

As someone who likes to take the lead in things, Capricorn, it is sometimes difficult for you to stop and listen to others. Make sure you are hearing what others say. It may lead to some great ideas or collaborations.

Fall 2015 Issue 8 Horoscope

Fall 2015 Issue 8 Horoscope

by MICKEY LAMB

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your pace may be a bit more than the world is ready for, Aries. Have you thought about giving the mountain a slow climb? It may allow you time to reflect on your purpose, as well as save you in aspirin costs.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Taurus, everybody loves a generous host. As you stampede through this season with your holiday herd, provide liberal luxury unto your loved ones. You may find your confidantes better company than your wealth.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

If something doesn’t look right upon first glance, Gemini, get a second set of eyes on the target. Your gifted gaze and Sagittarius’ skilled shot make for one accomplished association.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Cancer, your mood has as many shifts and turns as the moon that guides it. Consistency isn’t just a legend on your road map, it’s the roadmap to your legend. Moving latterly as you walk the shores would be a crabwise decision.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Make an attempt to not let your pride cloud your judgment, Leo. Many will seek your council, so don’t be afraid to tell someone you don’t have the answers. Giving poor advice is worse than giving no advice at all.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)

Virgo, you could gain from allowing your passion to take you when and where it will. Keeping your wits about you has always kept you safe but holding back on your emotions will hold you back as well.  Live a little, give in.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Well-balanced decisions lead to a well balanced lifestyle, Libra.  Avoid decisions that will weigh on your conscience. Tipping the scales in either direction could prove disastrous, calibrate appropriately.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov.21)

It’s your turn to feel the sting, Scorpio. All who’ve gotten close enough to you have fallen victim to your poisonous intentions.  Asserting your dominance may not be in your best interest for once.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec.21)

You’ve remained sharp as an arrow and still manage to maintain your free spirit.  Your partner may wish to tighten the reigns on your relationship. Show them why so many fall under Jupiter’s orbit. Break their will as they wish to break yours.

Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan. 19)

Your ambition to rule over others will be your undoing. Not until you learn to allow others to live as they wish will you ever find yourself at their court. Leave judgment upon the fates and find yourself butting heads less often.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb.18)

Why do you fear taking charge, Aquarius? You watch as the world around you crumbles, yet you sit idly by. Only you can unite all under one banner. You have been called upon for your unorthodox measures.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Pisces, your creativity has been wasting away as of late. With all of your foresight you only forecast visions of doom.  Use that creativity and passion for love to illustrate a beautiful future for you and those around you, and marvel in your premonitions.

Horoscope November 12-25

Horoscope November 12-25

by MICKEY RAY LAMB

Aries (March 21- April 19) 

If you were thrifty last week, you should have no problem treating a loved one to a night out. If you gave into temptation, don’t sweat it. The chance will present itself later in the week, after you get your finances in order.

Taurus (April 20- May 20) 

You’ve set the bar pretty high when it comes to lush living. Your expensive taste may have you feeling the burn in your pocket book. Listening to your friends for ideas on how to pass the time may prove to be rewarding, and cheaper.

Gemini (May 21- June 21) 

With last week’s self-doubt behind you, don’t be afraid to throw your weight around this week. If there’s anything you have been holding back from those closest to you, now is the time to let them have it. Your happiness comes first.

Cancer (June 22- July 22) 

Last week’s full moon either gave you the wisdom you needed to solve all your problems, or find new ones altogether. Don’t stress focusing on the tangible, for that never was your domain. Grasp for those often overlooked, unattainable goals, plural.  Why settle for achieving the impossible when you can perfect it?

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22) 

Releasing the reins during last week’s full moon gave you just the break you needed to recharge your spirit. Utilize this energy by actively leading your peers by promoting a sense of unity as a whole.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

Your knack for assessing situations may be muddled this week as you help a friend or loved one.  Don’t forget to take a moment for yourself to find your ground. A brief interlude from the fast pace of the week may be just what your mind needs to keep your wits.

Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22) 

You don’t have to be an expert at anything to be an expert in general.  Take these next few weeks to showcase your wisdom and talents. Don’t be a spectator watching a laborer build a wall. Be the mortar.

Scorpio (Oct. 23- Nov. 22)

It’s about high time you made your presence felt. Assert yourself, aggress yourself, don’t let up until everybody within earshot of a supernova knows who you are and what you are capable of at half speed. When no one’s looking crank that biatch up to ramming speed. Don’t confuse creeping in the shadows with being dark and mysterious.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23- Dec. 21) 

You may find your aim slipping these next few weeks. Keep yourself sharp by staying busy physically and mentally. Read a book, learn a skill. Hell, read a book about learning a skill.

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19) 

Instead of nagging your peers with ways they can improve their life try to find a constructive way to give feedback. Who wants to take advice from somebody with a cruel tongue? It’s not so much what you say but how you say it. Try to use a little finesse.

Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) 

You may be having second thoughts concerning a financial matter or a major decision. This is just you overthinking things. Simplify matters and you’ll find the answers that you seek.

Pisces (Feb. 19- March 20) 

You can’t go through life waiting for the day somebody gets drunk enough to like you for who you think they want you to be. Try being yourself, throw a few opinions out there and you just might find yourself with a ride home before last call, breakfast included, but only if you’re good.

Horoscope

Horoscope

by S.J. BARAJAS

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Halloween’s here and you’re the type of person that waits to the last minute for a costume. Nothing that cardboard and duct tape can’t fix!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

When it comes to costumes you should venture away from the conventional and go with the quirky. Buy a Netflix shirt and grab an ice chest you’ll be ready for a night of Netflix ‘n’ Chill.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

You may be feeling frisky and have a sexy costume picked out Gemini. Remember that just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should. Maybe put away the sexy potato outfit.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

So you think your Game of Thrones costume is pretty snazzy, going to go find a Khalessi of your own I presume. Well you know nothing Jon Snow.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Leo, I would be lion if I said that I would spend Halloween night with you. You’re the type to steal all the good candy I’ll be watching you like a hawk dressed as an Avenger.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

This is it Virgo, the perfect chance to show everyone how awesome your months of planning for this most auspicious night! Too bad Halloween is just one night.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The devil is in the details your Lucifer costume is demonically delicious. Pray that your soul doesn’t pay the price for such blasphemy!

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Just dress as Dwayne Johnson from the Scorpion King or just a rock, either way you’re covered.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

While people are dressing as sexy witches you’ll be putting your invisibility cloak on and brandishing your poorly drawn lightning scar. Your costume is not very Accio!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

There’s a good chance that you’ve come up with an extremely specific costume that no one is going to get. Have fun explaining who you are all night especially to all the sexy potatoes.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

How many times are you going to use the same generic pirate costume? Nobody likes Jack Sparrow anymore and the fact that you bought it at party city makes us all sad.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

I would recommend a reverse mermaid costume. Human part on the bottom and fishy part up top, you’ll be the sexiest costume at all the parties.

Horoscope Oct. 15-28

Horoscope Oct. 15-28

by AUDRIE FORD

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Coconut water is the drink you need to keep your spirits high. You’re humorous and passionate. It makes people love being around you, but don’t forget to use your creative abilities for yourself too.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Get a glass of green tea to help relax after all the listening you’ve done this week. Everyone knows that you’re the shoulder to lean on Taurus.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Chai tea is great iced or hot, mirroring your fluctuating moods. A classic drink, which will help soothe you after time spent adapting to new situations. Remember, your charisma is infectious.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

You’re loyal and love tradition, this week is a perfect opportunity for you to find a new beginning. Try watermelon lemonade the next time you feel like you need alone time.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Leo’s are leaders, but don’t be too bossy.  Frustration with others signals that it’s time for a break. Treat yourself to a mango milk tea when your generosity is draining you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Virgos are curious and always ready for adventure. Try something exciting these upcoming weeks and don’t stress. A Shirley Temple is the break you need

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Rebalance yourself with an Arnold Palmer and strive to keep realistic goals.  Come out of your shell and talk to someone new once you’ve revived your spirits.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Don’t be afraid to open up this week. Be sure to grab a friend and try out your own syrup mixtures in an Italian soda.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Deep thinking can give you a headache if you don’t take a break and enjoy yourself. Iron rich mixed green juice will focus your energy so that you don’t lose sight of deadlines.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capricorns take time to listen to others, but sometimes forget to take care of themselves. Try a raspberry spritzer, listen to your favorite song and finish an important task.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

While looking for a new way to tackle the situations, reconnect with your inner philosopher with an oolong tea. Don’t relax too much though, or those deadlines might creep up on you.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Don’t be too cautious, and never be afraid to ask for the things you want. Never forget that you’re victorious in your own way. Celebrate things with a pineapple cooler so that the change of seasons doesn’t bring you down.

Horoscope

Horoscope

By ALYSSA RAMER

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Aries, you will probably get really angry sometime this month, and ask too many questions. But, you are smart, and and want to learn new things.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Tauruses are creative but stubborn and bull-headed. You like to show affection in weird ways, like torturing the cat.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Gemini you are forgetful, and occasionally disorganized. You will probably think your keys are in your bag as you close the door and lock yourself out of the house. You may run out of gas at the end of your street. Who knows?

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Cancers are hardworking people. You like technical things and math. You are passionate, and may be too loud in settings, like court.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

Leo, you are silly but can be a hard worker. It takes a long time to motivate you.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Virgos will be critical at times, but can be very loving. You will bicker with others often.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

Libra, you will probably be stubborn and hard to influence but you cause others to do crazy things like ride roller coasters when they are afraid of heights.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You aren’t comfortable telling other people stuff. You usually won’t say anything and let people assume things, like you’re single when you actually have a girlfriend. Dick move.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

Sagittarius you are a good friend but don’t communicate everything. You could be clearer, like telling us you found another ride home before you just leave, ok Evan.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You are a fun person to talk to, despite people making fun of your quirks. The cliché of 15 cats applies to you.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

You are a hard worker, and are very positive. You can be a little ditzy at times, but so are Gemini on occasion so it’s ok.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

You are readily upset and prone to joke around in the office while others keep working.