All Entries in the "Horoscope" Category

Horoscope: Feb. 29-Mar. 7

By APRIL GEORGE 

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Sorry Pisces, you’re getting the brunt of my frustration right now. I won’t even disguise the bad news. You’ll have to dodge a speeding truck next Thursday. Good luck with that.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries, you need to spend less time on the Internet. Barring that, avoid feeding the trolls. They’ve started showing up in my corner of the ‘net and I will hunt down whoever has been encouraging them.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
My dad says I have to be nice to you this week, Taurus. Besides, I’m burned out from dealing with fandom fallout, so I just don’t have the energy to think of something mean. Deal with it, OK?

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Have some chocolate and a banana, Gemini. My sources tell me you have low potassium. They also tell me this is a crummy horoscope. My bad.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
My mother says I have to be nice to you, too, Cancer. Not sure when I was ever not nice, but whatever. I foresee an ice cream truck breaking down in front of your house this week, so there’s that.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
There might be dragons in your future, Leo. I can’t say much beyond that, though, because I’m really not sure. The Fates seem to be mad at me, so they’re only giving me the bare minimum here.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)

Did the feng shui help last week, Virgo? Wait, it did? I may have to take my own advice, then. My head’s been all out of whack lately … oh, sorry. This isn’t about me. Adopt a monkey. They’re hilarious.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Now that you’ve finally beaten “Skyrim” you can move on to new challenges, Libra. I’ve seen you do some pretty impressive roof-jumping and skulking about lately. Now, I repeat, back away from “Assassin’s Creed.” Come on, don’t you have any outdoor activities?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
So I just found out that my favorite actor is one of you, Scorpio. You now have a free pass from me. I seriously cannot bring myself to be mean to you. Hey, you hear the one about Katy Perry? No? Me either. I’m just bored.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
I’m distracted by my TV, Sagittarius, so I’ll admit I didn’t actually think about what to say to you. Except, avoid acid. It seems like one heck of a bad drug. Fake acid trips are OK, though. For that, just watch Tim Burton.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

My advice to you is to make sure you get those grades back up. Oh, who am I kidding? Like I’m one to talk here!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You had a birthday recently, Aquarius. Well, happy birthday. My present to you is that, like Scorpio up there, you’re getting a free pass on my snark. You can thank Bridget Regan for that.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Have you actually managed to keep your New Year’s resolution, Aquarius? I’m impressed. I gave up about an hour into Jan. 1. You should keep up the good work, though.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Stop obsessing so much, Pisces. You’ll get the grades you want with a little work, but you absolutely need to stop worrying so much about it.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You know what you need, Aries? Sassy gay friends. Now, they don’t actually have to be gay, they just have to act like the stereotypical sassy gay friends. And you can’t have mine. I’m not sharing her.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

The future is looking bright for you, Taurus, as long as you avoid the wild boar the Fates are throwing at you on Tuesday. If you don’t manage to avoid it, I can’t really give you any advice.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Make plans to go see a new movie, Gemini. I’d try “The Woman in Black.” You’ve been craving a good thriller lately, and “Cabin in the Woods” doesn’t come out until April.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Hmmm … you, Cancer, need to find something good to do for the community. You’ve been feeling restless lately, and giving back will feel really good.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Buy some Girl Scout cookies, Leo. Indulge yourself. Because frankly, you are way too tightly wound. Oh, and, um, refrain from planning any weddings in the near future. Trust me.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)

Try some feng shui, Virgo. In your home, your bedroom … heck, even in your car. Just rearrange something to balance out your own conflicting thoughts and feelings.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’ve been getting adventurous, Libra. Fighting dragons, rescuing damsels, undertaking quests on which the fate of entire kingdoms hang. Now do me a favor, and back slowly away from Skyrim. Go get some sun.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Guess what, Scorpio? I’ve decided not to pick on you. For now. Treat yourself to a piece of cake and keep looking over your shoulder for me to drop that bomb.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Dust off that old typewriter and write some poetry, Sagittarius. The typewriter will both keep you from the Internet distractions and give you an old-timey feeling while you work.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I keep getting distracted by “Buffy,” Capricorn. It’s the wedding episode, which I’ve never seen all the way through. But here, have a horoscope: Tell your significant other you love him/her. Life is short and you never know what could happen.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You haven’t picked up a single book since last semester ended, have you, Aquarius? Tsk tsk. You can make up for it by finding something new to read. I’ve been reading the complete works of Emily Dickinson, but whatever works for you.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
You need some new tastes in music, Pisces. I feel like we’ve had this conversation, but there you have it. I find The Pretty Reckless to be fairly intriguing, but you may want something more highbrow. In that case, give Lana Del Ray a listen.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Did you make the mistake of scheduling an early class, Aries? Me too. It’ll be good for both of us, though. We need to learn to go to sleep at reasonable times. And hey, it means you’ll get decent quality horoscopes from me because I won’t write them at 3 a.m. Everyone wins!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You need to unwind a bit, Taurus. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or whatever that quote is. Spend time doing something you love. Paint a landscape, read that book you’ve been looking forward to… the possibilities are endless.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
You’ve had a semester off from me, Gemini, so here’s the main question: How’s that twin doing? Oh, you two stopped hanging out? That’s a shame. Ah well, it happens. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Got anything fun planned for the semester, Cancer? You’re going to want it. You can’t always take difficult classes, or you’ll burn out from the stress. Take a dance class, or something fun like that.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Ah, my lions. Tell me, Leo, do you always pay your debts? Because if you do, you may be a Lannister. What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Sigh. Forgive me, I’ve spent my break with “Game of Thrones” fans. It’s rubbed off.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)
What kind of classes are you taking this semester, Virgo? The Fates tell me you need to take it easy. You’ve got the rest of your life to worry about doing what you have to do. Right now, worry about what you want to do.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
At least you got to play Skyrim, Libra. I don’t own it yet, because I was told not to buy it. This is why I don’t usually listen to people. So how was it?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
I haven’t yet decided if I’m going to pick on you. For now, I’ll leave you with the following advice: never let your mouth write a check your butt can’t cash.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Winter is here, and it’s horrifying. Do what I do, fellow Sagittarius, and stay indoors. Wrap in your Snuggie, curled up on the couch with hot chocolate and a good book. Yes, I own a Snuggie. At least it’s not a Forever Lazy.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Miss me, Capricorn? I’m sure you didn’t. But I missed you! I’ve had no one to pick on. Oh right, you want a horoscope. Erm… hit the ground running this semester and study hard? Does that work?

Horoscope

By LARRY GAURANO

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

I know it seems like everything is falling apart, but it’s not. Just take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Things will clear up. All of the frustration will be over soon.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

Keep your eyes open and your ears tuned. Something significant is going on with someone close, and you may soon be needed. Be ready to offer help when asked.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’ve been taking it easy, but you should be taking things much more seriously. Deadlines are creeping up fast, and you want to be ready for them. Get through your finals before you ease up.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

You’ve been really critical of others recently, and you need to tone it down some. Although you have good intentions, they may come off the wrong way. Nobody likes to be judged.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

People close to you are doing more harm than good right now. Talk to them and keep an open line of communication. Make sure they know how you feel.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Tell that new love interest that you’re interested! With the cold weather we’re facing, now is a good time to unleash your romantic side and cuddle up. Light a fire, or at least bring along a warm blanket.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Things may be getting frustrating with your friends right now, but don’t worry. Just chill. When the time comes for open communication, let it be heard.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

You feel that you can take on the world, so go out there and do it. Right now is a great time to tackle another project or try something new. Register for that class you’ve been wanting to take.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

You’ve been stressed with all that’s on your plate, but don’t worry. Things will get better soon. Just keep pressing hard and you’ll get there. Classes will be done before you know it.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

You’ve been getting a lot of attention recently, and it has been very flattering. Don’t let it go to your head by getting complacent. Keep working hard and you will surely be rewarded.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Come on now, everyone else has finals and holiday problems, too. You don’t need to take out your frustrations on others. If people set you off, give them a second chance.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Your friends are playing a big part in your life right now, so embrace them. Make sure they are part of your holiday plans, and tell them how much they mean to you.

Horoscope

By NINA ELLIOTT

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

Remember how Ice Cube was all hardcore? And now he’s in the next family comedy about black folks camping? You may think the two are incongruous but he has matured over time. What commitment will you make to mature over time?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

It is easy to rest on your laurels once you’re done mainlining midterms. But honey, you’ve got to think about the future. Lay some groundwork for the short-term goals that lead to the long-term money shot.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Pulled in different directions? Unable to make a commitment? My astrological omens say things are weird for you right now. But that is OK. Pull a Hunter S. Thompson and roll with the madness.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

You need to be as plentitudinous as Picasso because this time of your life is going to be intense. Find the willpower, the discipline, the energy drink, or whatever you need to make “it” a reality.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Do you have friends with whom you share cutting edge things and then they post it on Facebook like they own it? Don’t let that stop you. Go and get it from the source with your fierce badass self!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Having great taste should blanket over most things in life but sadly it does not. We make mistakes and will continue to do so. What’s important: surround yourself with people who have intelligent and healthy obsessions.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

You are dimly aware that your self-expression may be a little too heavy for others… but this could be all part of your wildly successful “Purple Rain” venture.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

There’s going to be lots of change in your life: kind of horny and annoying like a teenage boy and kind of emotional and intense like your Mom going through menopause. Accept the changes because they’re going to happen anyway.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

You are cutting corners, running around, doing errands to get to all the good stuff that happens later. As a responsible hedonist, could you be the Henry Miller of the zodiac? All signs point to yes!

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

“The dude abides,” so chill and mellow out. If you are stressing about a certain situation, relax instead of reacting.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

All those dizzying updates of news and information make it difficult to stay focused. Don’t be afraid to turn off the phone and be old-fashioned for a few minutes.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

There is so much going on, it is difficult to keep track of your business. But you can’t just check out of life. Wake up and smell the creosote. Be here and be now.

Horoscope

By CHLOE DEEM

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
With this being your time, expect good things to be headed your way. However, don’t become too jaded with all your positive luck.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)
You will have some trouble on the friendship front. Make sure to have your guard up and trust your gut.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)
You might be feeling extra lonely due to personal circumstances, but have no fear. This feeling will soon pass.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You have been quite promiscuous lately. Make sure to act more refined this month, for some negative rumors are sure to be headed your way.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)
Forgetting about your problems will not make them go away. Make time for yourself to sort through all your issues and you will feel much better.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Love is in the air for you, Aries! You are radiating your infectious energy and attracting many suitors. This should be quite an enjoyable time for you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
This is an imperative time, when you need to take control over your life and start reaching those goals. They are more attainable than you think.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
For once, try and let others in your life make the decisions. You tend to be very set in your ways. Be careful, for this could drastically affect the relationships in your life.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)
Some major life changes are headed your way. You need to break free from your everyday routine. Do not be afraid to take a leap of faith when it comes to your career.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)
You’ve been lagging in school lately, and the stress of it is beginning to mount. Keep in mind that it is never too late to regroup and prioritize.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)
You must listen to what others say more carefully in order to succeed in your day-to-day happenings. By doing so, people will appreciate your sudden knack for giving advice.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Usually you are very self-serving but it seems lately a new compassionate manner has come over you. People will soon recognize this and you will be rewarded for it.

Horoscope

By AMY ZAMBRANO

Scorpio: (Oct. 23- Nov. 21)

You could be in for a delicious weekend. Being romanced and adored, you will find it easier to interact with others and become a more extroverted person. Your confidence will grow and you’ll achieve goals with ease.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22- Dec. 21)

The slow pace of others will be a challenge this week. You’ll find it difficult to deal with people who can’t be responsible about their work. Take this time to showcase your dedication. You’ll be able to handle a larger workload and people will be amazed at how hard you work.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22- Jan. 19)

This week will be full of positive vibes from your friends, family and love. Set aside your sense of responsibility so that you’re free to enjoy yourself and others. You’ll have time to do the things you left for later, and you’ll be able to organize yourself better.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20- Feb. 18)

The best strategy is to take care of business during the week so you are ready to play this weekend. Plan ahead, do your work, focus on your priorities so that you can have the weekend to yourself. Enjoy your relationship and delight each other with surprises.

Pisces: (Feb. 19- March 20)

This weekend is not the ideal time to make a major personal decision. You’ll discover a wider range of options by analyzing your ideas. Taking your mind off your worries increases your chances for having fun.

Aries: (March 21- April 19)

Start your week with a bang and don’t end there! It’s time for you to rise to the occasion and shine. Be different! Be passionate! Be intense! New successful activities are coming your way, so don’t hesitate to try them. Friday is perfect for dating.

Taurus: (April 20- May 20)

Your dreams will be powerful this week, so make them big. Pay attention to every detail as they may have important direction for you. This week is perfect for a romantic date. It’s also a great time for business. Big money is coming your way!

Gemini: (May 21- June 21)

Take a break and relax from pressure because a heightened degree of activity arrives. New ideas will be flowing in your head, making life choices the most important. Concentrate on your work and leave little time for love, family and friends. Don’t worry, they’ll understand.

Cancer: (June 22- July 22)

This week starts with tons of work and stress, but makes up for it with tons of activities. Going out with friends should be exciting on Friday. Take Sunday to relax by yourself. This should provide the serenity you have been seeking.

Leo: (July 23- August 22)

You are very impatient, but there is no need to worry about the outcome of your decisions. Do whatever it takes to make things work, and wait patiently. Never give up! This is your week to impress others with new ideas.

Virgo: (August 23- Sept. 22)

The things you do are making you more attractive. No matter the pressures in your life, your actions are always appealing. You’re sensational with your friends and new friends will be arriving soon, making you very happy. Keep up your schoolwork, and you’ll be successful.

Libra: (Sept. 23- Oct. 22)

Connect with people from other places and participate in school events. To clear your head about romantic uncertainties, look from other perspectives and examine the core of your relationship. Once you do this, you’ll

Horoscope

By ALLIE PEOT

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

People are depending on you, Libra. Don’t let them down. The best way to help those around you is to be completely honest, but remember to be gentle.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You’re facing challenges, Scorpio, but use them to your advantage. If you welcome them with grace, you will grow immensely.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

Express yourself, Sagittarius. But be careful and accurate in what you say because people are listening. Encourage those around you to do the same.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

Now is the time to rekindle your passion, Capricorn. Recall your forgotten love and breathe life back into it. Your vital force is strong in the coming weeks.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Your wildest dreams are beginning to come true, Aquarius. Have faith in them, and they will expand even wider. Don’t be afraid of the future.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

Pretend like it’s opposite day, Pisces, and explore what it’s like to be completely different, just for fun. You might find a change you really need.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Listen to your inner voice in the coming weeks, Aries. You have powerful ideas. Tune in, then put them into action! You have a chance to make a big impact in your world.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Lighten up, Taurus! You’re worried about where you’re headed, but you might find the salvation you’re seeking at the ice cream shop.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Keep dreaming, Gemini, and pay attention to the world around you. The universe is offering you brilliant inspiration, so let your mind wander far!

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

You might feel like a lone ship on a windy sea these days, Cancer. Be strong. Your emotions are valid, but don’t let them overpower you.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

Get in touch with those you love, Leo. They will remind you what a fabulous person you are, and empower you to stay true to yourself.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

Take a walk on the wild side, Virgo. Don’t be afraid to dance in the streets, even if you’re the only one who hears the music.

Horoscope

By Larry Gaurano

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’re starting to feel like it is time for a change, but the only thing that needs to be changed is the way you’re handling your money. Try changing your spending habits.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Love is in the air! You seem to be clicking just fine with someone new in your life. Take advantage of this new friendship by making the move to bring it to a whole new level.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

Life hasn’t been easy recently, and you’ve been trying hard to make best of the situation. Now is not the time to quit, but it’s time to take it heads on. Don’t be discouraged!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

It’s the perfect time for you to call up your friends and plan a social outing. Grasp life and go tackle some new activity that isn’t necessary perceived as being your thing.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Right now is not the time to sulk. If anything, you need to spice up your life with a new activity or someone new. Things may be rough now, but soon you will be back on track.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

Your relaxed attitude has gotten you into a bit of a problem, a money problem. Don’t worry, this can easily be fixed with some new found determination and hard work.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Now is not the time to blend in with the crowd. You need to stand up and make yourself be heard. Make sure that your friends and peers notice you. It will be very rewarding.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

It’s time to grab the bull by the horns! You’ve been noticed, and you need to make the next move for things to really heat up. Don’t wait for a sign, you make it happen!

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Someone you haven’t heard from in a while could sure use a friend to talk to. Writing won’t cut it, you need to see the friend in person or at least give them a call.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

You are feeling more creative than normal, and now is time to grasp it. Create new art or do a social activity that is new to you. You won’t be disappointed!

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

It’s a great time to be a lion! Everything has been going your way, and people have been noticing that extra spring in your step. Enjoy the ride making sure you live it up!

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

The problems that have been haunting you now have solutions that are suddenly clear. Be sure to act on them and soon you will be on track once again.

Horoscope

By RYAN TSARSIS

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

After you revel in your awesome birthday celebration, get back to business. Knock that first test out of the park.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libras are anticipating a birthday soon. It may not live up to expectations, but if you throw a party for yourself you will not be let down. Keep an eye out for that special someone to attend your bash.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

After the hectic start of school, Scorpios have scurried into a very productive routine. It’s all smooth sailing from here. You’ve put in the effort, so now is the time to ace those first exams.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

You have most likely met that special somebody. Congratulations, soak up the love. If it isn’t there yet, keep looking. It will come.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

What can I say? Recently things have not panned out and it’s mostly your own doing. Lift your spirits by thinking about your core values, and why they are so important to you.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Aquarius, have you met your Sagittarius yet? If you have, great! And if you did but didn’t know it was a Sagittarius, even better. But if you haven’t, don’t worry. They’re most likely looking for you, too.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

Pisces, you may have run into a bit of trouble from your antics recently, but nothing’s going to get you down. Keep up the fun, but make sure you study for those exams!

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You need a reality check, so cash this one. Study for your exam, and be rewarded. Don’t, and suffer the consequences. You’ve dodged enough bullets this past month. Don’t let the last one hit you where it hurts.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Congratulations. After hiccups during the first week of classes, you’ve been very efficient. You will need to keep this up, because you’ve bitten off more than you can chew with your schedule this semester.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Gemini, you’ve hit a few rough patches in your newly formed relationship. Your contemplation is the source of those patches. Have less doubt to see fewer problems.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

You’re still concerned about your schedule. You need to pick up more elbow grease from inside, because the only one doubting you is you. Modify your schedule before the drop deadline and do what you need to succeed.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

Now that first-of-school craziness has passed, concentrate on something less crazy: your social life. Get out there and socialize. At the least, you need a study partner this semester. You can’t do it all on your own, even though you think you can.

Horoscope

By RYAN TSARSIS

aztecpress@pima.edu

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

It will be an interesting day for Virgos on Sept. 11. You’re anticipating your birthday celebration this month, but also thinking back to where you were on that terrible day a decade ago.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libras have it easy as they see days pass comfortably until their birthdays approach. Live the high life, Libra. This is your time. Own it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Scorpios might need their stingers ready these next couple of days. People may not be as considerate as you would like, but stay strong. The chaos will pass.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

Oh Sagittarius, where art thou? You feel you will meet someone special, because of the high energy of school starting. Put yourself out there. Magic’s on the horizon.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

You’re coming off a bit of a high recently, living recklessly and feeling pretty good about it. As a warning: make sure this recklessness isn’t also foolishness because Scorpio is waiting to sting!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’ve lain low lately, trying to keep options open. Act fast, or that opportunity will slip away as classes get going. Best option: find a Sagittarius!

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

You pesky Pisces are starting a poltergeist worth of problems, and loving every minute. Sure, go ahead and keep it up, but don’t run into a Scorpio or a Taurus at the bus stop or parking lot!

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You’ve been erratic this month, mostly because you were underprepared for the start of school. It’s OK, however, because adversity brings prosperity.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Things have not gone well for you since being late for class on the first day of school, but it’s OK. That day has passed. Let it go. If you don’t, your mind won’t be right and you will let a great opportunity pass you by.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

You’ve recently fallen in love, but are starting to reconsider your decision to begin a relationship. Don’t. You spent a long time looking and don’t want to let this one go.

Cancer (June 22- July 22)

You’re having doubts about your schedule. Don’t worry. You can get your work done, with a little elbow grease and determination.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

Leo, Leo, Leo, why can’t you live in the present? You have promising circumstances in your life. If you continue to obsess about last summer, you’ll never be satisfied.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

aztecpress@pima.edu

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Get some rest over the summer. Being tired is no fun, especially when you’ve got a few months to catch some sun and hang out with your friends. Make sure to get enough sleep and drink plenty of water.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Do yourself a favor and take a fun class next semester. Make sure it’s something that won’t require extensive thinking or work. You want to unwind in this class, not stress out more. Try meditation.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
You and I have one thing in common this summer. We’re going to be spending time alternating between trying to get (or keep) a job and spending time with significant others. Make sure to make some time for yourself, too, or you’ll go postal.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Home stretch! Make sure you’re not hitting the end-of-semester slump. Be diligent on your studies and pass your exams. Make sure all your papers are in too. You want good grades. Remember, you’re one semester closer to graduating!

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)
Try to take a vacation, if you can. Getting away from it all will do you some good. If you can’t travel, at least try for a friend’s pool with some virgin mojitos. You can at least pretend you’re on a beach in Tahiti that way.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Divide your time evenly. You don’t need to worry about your studies over the summer, so go outside and catch up with your friends and family instead. Make sure you wear plenty of sunscreen though…

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Ready for the epic, no-holds-barred grand finale? Are you really? Here it comes…Thank you for being such a good sport this year and taking all my abuse. I hold Scorpio near and dear to my heart, so I only did it all because I love you guys. Have a great summer.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Make sure to get some sun this summer. If you’re like me, your year of unleashing your inner geek has left you pale. It’s not that pale is unattractive, just that summer is a time for new beginnings. Wear plenty of sunscreen and tan up.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Don’t spend all summer holed up playing video games. Make sure you get some human interaction somewhere. You have three months, after all.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Do some volunteering over the summer. You’ll give back to the community and have a blast. I recommend an animal shelter or a soup kitchen.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Use the summer to catch up on that reading list of yours. There are some good books out there and you’re just dying to sink your teeth into them. May I recommend “A Game of Thrones” by George R.R. Martin? I’m in the process of reading it myself, and it’s pretty good.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Do me a favor. Please try to work on your anger management this summer. I know that you have a temper reminiscent of your fiery nature, but try to curb it somewhat. Hang out with a water sign like Pisces or Cancer for a while.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

aztecpress@pima.edu

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
OK, so I’m a really bad example of this, but don’t procrastinate. It’s not a good idea, because you’ll end up like me and be awake at 2 a.m. finishing your homework.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
You’re at the same point as Taurus up there. Put the games aside and focus more on your classes. Finals are coming up soon and you need to study.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Don’t forget to study for your math final. You need to pass this semester and you haven’t been doing your best this time around.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You’re starting to count down the days until the semester ends, aren’t you? You may want to stop. You’ve got some time left, you know.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)
Stop putting off that book you’ve been wanting to read. You’ve got some time to kill, and I know you’re dying to get started. Just don’t give away the ending.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Spend less time online. Look, I love “Titan Quest” as much as the next person, but real people exist and you need to start spending time with them.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Is it weird, me not ragging on you most of the semester? Yeah, it was for me too. I’m not doing it this issue, mostly because I’ve wasted most of my space, but look out for the grand finale in the last issue.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
My fellow centaurs… um, that’s literally as far as I got before my ADOS kicked in. Wait, you don’t know what ADOS is? It means Attention Deficit-Ooh Shiny! I get easily distracted by shiny stuff and flashing lights. Sorry about that…

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Don’t let little things bother you. I know it’s hard, but give it a try. You’ll feel a lot less stressed out if you let the little stuff go.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
I’m starting to fall asleep on you, but I’m trying to come up with a good one. Let me think… um… try to get in contact with an old friend. It will feel awesome to reconnect!

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Try horseback riding. It’s quite a bit of fun, and can be very exhilarating. But then again, it can be expensive, so maybe that won’t work after all. Sorry.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

I’ve pretty much given up on being awake right now. It’s almost 2:30 a.m. and I’ve been awake since 9. So I’m going to leave you with this: don’t be like me and stay up late playing video games. Lethargy sucks.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Go forward with confidence and good things will come your way. Yes, I totally stole that from a fortune cookie. I haven’t exactly had time to think this time around, OK?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Hmm, to be mean or not to be mean? I’m not sure. On the one hand, I really, really want to pick on you. On the other, I’m tired of my dad yelling at me over it. Go make a new friend.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
So, if we’re finally done with the twin thing, I need something new to torment you with. Let me think… how about that class you’ve secretly been ditching? How’s that going, by the way?

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
I’m tired and these are really last minute, so forgive me if they suck. On that note, you’re going to need to be looking over your shoulder this week. I’ve spotted a rogue raccoon and they’re nasty little buggers.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
You need to get in touch with your inner weirdo. I would recommend starting by listening to some Meat Loaf (yes, he is a person). Watch his videos for added weirdness.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)

You’re stressed out beyond belief. It’s not good for you. I recommend chamomile or green tea. They’re incredibly relaxing. I’ve been drinking quite a bit of them myself this week.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Take a risk. Maybe color your hair something funky, like blue. At the very least, add a weirdly colored clip. Something awesome and fresh, you know?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Take some time on weekends to relax. Curl up with a good book, take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine (or the non-alcoholic equivalent — no underage drinking here!) and just veg. Hmm… that actually sounds amazing. I may try it too.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Get in touch with your inner geek. Wear funky clothes, carry around some dice, read “Harry Potter” or something like that. Just go nuts!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Have some fun once in a while. You’re too uptight. Life is short, and doesn’t always have to be so serious.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

I’m quickly losing steam here, but let me throw something your way. Indulge yourself. Enjoy something slathered in sugar and butter. Let out your inner baker. Trust me, it’s fun.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Last, but not least, my buddy the fish. Have faith in your dreams and they will come true. Also, people suck sometimes but just ignore them. They don’t know anything. Only you can control your destiny… OK, this is getting too much like a fortune cookie again. I give up.

Horoscope

By APRIL GEORGE

aztecpress@pima.edu

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Have some fun over Spring Break. If you can’t afford to go out of town, make your own vacation! A friend’s house works just as well, and if you’re old enough to drink, go for it! (I’m not promoting underage drinking here, sorry!)

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Do some public karaoke. I just did some over the weekend and it was quite exhilarating. It’s definitely a good way to get over that fear of public speaking you have.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

You can’t always rely on me to decide your luck. Go make your own. Oh, and relax over Spring Break. It’s your time to unwind. I won’t be working, why should you? Unless you have a job, of course. On second thought, I’ll be working on finding one of those.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Your family didn’t like seeing you? Hmm. Go back to the twin. They told me they missed you while you were gone.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Have a non-alcoholic drink on me. You’re doing really great this semester. But I won’t buy you booze because I have no way of knowing if you’re actually old enough. Sorry, but the same rule I used with Pisces applies.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Try something creative while you’re on Spring Break. You can borrow my muse. I’m sick and tired of him. No, really. He gives me nothing but grief.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept.22)

You, however, should focus less on partying and creativity and more on school. You need to get your act together if you want to pass your trigonometry test. Use your Spring Break wisely, but don’t get overworked.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Don’t be so shy. You need to come out of your shell more often. People really like you, but you don’t ever give them a chance to say so. What are you afraid of?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

OK, OK, I’ll be nice to you. For now. Take yourself to a spa or something and treat yourself. You deserve it. Oh, and help me make fun of the new Billy Mays. He’s a tool.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You need to help Scorpio with making fun of new Billy Mays. While you’re at it, look up “So What” by Pink. You’ll laugh.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Every issue you look to me for advice. Why do you put up with my abuse? You’re better than that, you know. Over Spring Break, try something new. I recommend getting off Facebook and actually seeing your friends.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Last but not least, do something besides study. You’re going to pass your midterm, so relax over Spring Break. Go spend some time with your family, or at least your friends.