By Kyle McDaniel
As you can tell there will be a reason for the writing of this article as it stems from a personal experience of mine, an experience that had everything you would need to create an Oscar winning film.
One day I noticed an employee who I thought was absolutely gorgeous, crying her eyes out and the gentleman I am, I decided to hand her a note that read, smile you’re beautiful. Later that night I asked her to dinner, she said yes and gave me her number.
It’s the night of the dinner and I got all dressed up to go, I picked her up and we enjoyed a wonderful meal, just talking, getting to know each other. Then when it’s time to take her home, she states “Can you take me to Josh’s house?”, of course I said yes, it is the first night anything her heart desires, she shall get. Plus it wasn’t a problem because I knew who Josh was since he was a fellow employee and had a boyfriend.
However Josh didn’t greet her at the door, another employee did. I didn’t think anything of it until later down the road. When I asked her about said employee, she admitted she was close and intimate with him, but was starting to fall for me instead. Making a long story short, me and her grow close and intimate over a couple months, prompting me to ask her if she would like to be my girlfriend.
She said “no because I was to sweet and perfect, something she didn’t deserve. I don’t deserve someone like you, who cares for me.” However a week later, her and the said employee above are now dating, but she wants me to still be her “best friend”. Since her boyfriend thought I was an abomination, she created a secret name in her phone for me, unbeknownst to him. I also dropped her off down the block or across the street, so he didn’t see my car.
Which he was slowly growing suspicious of, telling his friends and other employees that, she will just disappear for a few hours. Returning to him later, and not speaking about who she had been with. This forced him to ask her if me and her still talked, and she would always vehemently deny it.
Looking back I can see that she just didn’t want to lose me. She even told me and other people my nickname was Matty from the television show Awkward, because no matter what guy she is with, in the end we will be together. I constantly had to be hidden. A perfect example is when he was working graves, as soon as he would leave she would call me to come over and well, you know the rest. This is where I felt I could slowly win her heart over and of course her statements to me in private didn’t help either.
Such as her constantly telling me how much better I was, how I treated her better, was better intimately. How I wanted kids and marriage when he didn’t. Prompting me to constantly ask why not date me then? I would get the same answer every time, “Kyle I can’t just leave him … then an excuse would be said.”
Finally after a few months I decided to tell her to get lost, and quit talking to me, that’s when all the horrible things started happening at work. People treating me different than before, not wanting to talk to me and asking me inappropriate questions. When I had a cut on my arm she told employees, I tried to kill myself because of her. Then one day I made an off handed comment about the situation and almost lost my job.
Now I understand why most people including my friends and family started to think Kyle, why wouldn’t you tell her to piss off. Well to be honest I haven’t had a girlfriend in 8 years and I saw how badly he treated her which gave me hope I could win her over, especially with everything we had in common.
Thus we reach my point. If it sounds too good to be true, it most likely is. Honestly learning from this experience, I think it is best to let your love life and work life be seperate, because someone could write a secret note, detailing the cheating she is doing behind his back and then give it to her boyfriend. Who in turn tells you that everyone hates you and you’re scum, but doesn’t use his brain, to realize his girlfriend was and still is using him. He blames the guy for getting intimate with his girlfriend not the other way around.
Nothing but drama no matter which way you slice it. So before you decide to ask a fellow employee to dinner, look back at this cautionary tale, because this is a decision you will regret at some point, I promise.
Especially if she says no. You’ve now created an awkward situation, where every time they see you they will be thinking to themselves, he thinks I’m pretty. I wonder if he is looking at me? Then they begin to feel uncomfortable and decide to tell human resources. After that the workplace could become uncomfortable for the both of you.
That’s when a dark cloud begins to descend over you and you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, because depending what is discussed with HR and how it is interpreted, you could get your hours cut or even lose your job. The latter is a drastic step, but it has occurred and will happen again to someone I’m sure.
After the situation I thought it would be great to get the opinion of Amber Coleman, the team leader at Target where I work. “I can’t think of a single good thing, besides you could bounce ideas off each other work wise, but you can do that as friends,”she said. “It never works out and causes undue drama because most people can’t be mature about a breakup or a fight, then your reputation in a building is based on who you’re dating, than you as a professional.”
Now what if they say yes? You’re out to dinner, having a great time and over the next few weeks you are seeing each other more and more. Finally, you decide to take the next step and be a couple. Which could lead to bigger and better things down the road, which is what most of us are looking for in life.
“My husband, even though it didn’t work, we worked together and we dated for 2 years working together, but we worked in different departments. It was fine we just made sure we kept everything separate at work and nobody knew about it. Cause its really nobody’s business. We promised each other and were mature about it, but if there was an argument you had to leave that at home and you had to come to work and make sure it didn’t affect anything,” Amber said.
However like Amber said “Most relationships don’t last, and there is really no good that can come of it.” Adding, “I’ve been married, dated failed, dated failed and I’m taking it from that perspective.”
Because 9 times out of 10 the relationship will come to an end and now you work with that person and have to see them daily. Which could be problematic, if the break up is explosive and a constant fight. “The long and short part of it is most relationships end so why roll the dice on it.” Amber said.
After all this, some companies might even prevent employee dating. At Target employees are allowed to date, you just can’t date someone you report to. If you do decide to date someone you report to, you will have to make it known, so changes can be made accordingly.
Now for a fun test I decided to create a poll, by asking employees If they would ever date a coworker, yes or no. Also If they had would they ever do so again. I asked 30 employees, 13 women and 17 men, and for the first question it was split right down the middle, 15 saying yes and 15 saying no. In regards to the latter question 13 people had dated a coworker and 8 said they wouldn’t do so again, where 5 said they would give it a second chance.
Personally I feel for a relationship to work at its best, each person needs their space to a point. If you are living together then working together, you will slowly begin to feel like you can’t escape each other, which will cause nothing but problems.