PRETTY TIED UP: A column about love and sex and (too) much mo

By S. PAUL BRYAN

Dear Mr. Bryan:

My boyfriend of two years, we’ll call him “James”, has been pressuring me to try anal sex. He says my lack of willingness could eventually be a deal- breaker for our relationship. I don’t want to do it, it doesn’t interest me at all…in fact, it scares me…but I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?

Ariel

Dear Ariel:

The obvious, short answer is stick to your guns and make sure James is clear that your anus is an exit only ori ce. For such a scenario to be successful, everyone involved (both you and James) would have to be open to the experience. Clearly, one of you isn’t. You both need to be loving, supportive and respectful of each other in your relationship in order for it to be successful. It sounds as if James is lacking a couple of those vital characteristics. Here is the best answer I have for you. Now, bear with me, this might sound a bit strange… If you’re open to this idea, and only if you’re open to it, try out my suggestion and you should be able to nd some closure regarding your anal sex dilemma.

Are you ready?
Kindly remind James that in a mutually respectful and loving relationship, he wouldn’t and shouldn’t ask you to do anything that he, in turn, wouldn’t be willing to at least give the old-college-try himself.

So, in a (physically and emotionally) healthy and loving manner, give it to James where the sun don’t shine and let’s see how matters progress from there.

You should be on the lookout for one of two results. First result: He says, “hell no”, and you never have to talk about the subject again. The second possible result, especially already knowing the guy has a thing for butts, maybe he loves it and maybe you do to.

The anus is a sexually erogenous part of the human body. Who knows, it could quite possibly become your new thing. Maybe you never try it (or never try it again)…but this should prove to be a resolution to your current relationship challenge.

Good luck.

Dear Mr. Bryan:

I met my girl last year at Pima, we’re both 19. I love
my girlfriend, my girlfriend loves me. We have been a
great couple for almost a year. Except, I haven’t slept with anyone else in a year and I started showing signs of herpes three weeks ago. Does this mean my girlfriend has cheated on me or could I have had it all along with no symptoms? Please help.

Sad and Confused

Dear S&C:
This is an easy one. Odds are high that she gave you herpes. The answer to your question comes down to this: Do you trust her? If so, and she’s claiming that she has been monogamous in her relationship with you…then one, or both, of you have been carrying the herpes virus without symptoms (until now). According to cdc. gov, this is entirely possible.

If you don’t fully trust her (as you probably shouldn’t given your age and the high rate of herpes in your age group), let her know that she ‘probably’ gave you herpes and you both need to seek any medical attention you might need as well as alert any (other) sexual partners.

About one in six people age 14 to 49 have genital herpes, according to cdc.gov. It’s important that you and your girlfriend understand that knowingly spreading any STD is criminal, morally bankrupt and about as low as it gets. Don’t do it.

You could have already had it and gave it to her. She could have already had it and shared it with you. It’s equally possible that she cheated (or you cheated) and that’s how this herpes debacle came about. It’s usually dif cult to nail it down.

The best place to look for further answers are your local healthcare facilities and cdc.gov. You’ll nd all of your medical answers there. In the meantime, DON’T SPREAD THE HERP!

Dear Mr. Bryan:

My fiancee is a marine. He is currently stationed out of state and, because I’m attending college here in AZ, I rarely get to see him. Sometimes (not all of the time) he calls and curses me out, says that I’m a slut
and that I’m cheating on him, but none of that is true. I love him and want to marry him but his insecurities related to our physical distance is tearing us apart. He doesn’t want me to leave the house unless it’s for school or the Baptist church on Speedway Blvd (I don’t even go to church!). I’ve asked him to stop hurting me and controlling me this way but he won’t. What do I do?

Emotionally Hurt

Dear EM:

Your fiancee, no matter what the circumstance, has no right to emotionally abuse you.

Yes, what he is doing is abuse.

I know that while you’re “in it”, it seems like you love him and want to work things out. I get it, you’re engaged, at some point you loved and trusted this guy enough to accept the idea of living your life with him.

BUT.

I have to strongly encourage you to get rid of this clown and move on to a different phase of your life.

If he can’t or won’t stop the abuse, you have to stop it by leaving him behind.

This is the only resolution for you and your desire for a healthy, happy future. In my not-so-humble opinion.

I feel confident in telling you that a life with an abusive, bible-thumping jarhead is, as a matter of fact, no life at all.

I did a little research and found this website for you (if you ignore my sage advice and decide to marry your ancee): https://www. realwarriors.net/family/support/ domesticviolence.php

Best of luck to you…and please remember Marines have the largest number of domestic violence claims of any branch of the U.S. Military and the lowest average completion rate of post-high school education. I think you can put two and two together and gure that one out.

In fact, forget my “best of luck” statement, just GTFO of that toxic relationship EM.

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