Pretty Tied Up



Dear Pretty Tied Up,

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, and right after, he texted me a lot. I had to ignore him for awhile just to get over things, or else I knew I’d get back together with him if we started talking again.

Now, I miss him. I know we can be friends some day, and I am lonely. Other guys just aren’t as sweet as him. I don’t know if I want him back or if I just want someone to hang out with or even cuddle with, but I texted him, and he won’t respond. We still have some of each other’s things, too.

I know I am being unfair to someone who gave me so much love before I ended things. What do I do? Do I leave him alone? I want him to be happy, but I also want to see him and make sure he’s OK.

– Sad and Lonely Forever

Dear S&L,

You had a good man.

You got rid of him.

He wanted you back in his life, and you gave him the cold shoulder.

He moved on. You don’t get to play with his emotions just because you’re lonely.

For his sake, LEAVE HIM ALONE (that’s what he’s attempting to communicate to you by not answering you).

He’s doing just fine without you, I give you my word.

• • •

Dear PTU,

I just got out of a long-term relationship with my partner, but my genitals are kinda wack lately. I’m not sure what’s going on down there, whether it’s from too much time on my bicycle, or if I have some type of infection. I have a doctor’s appointment in a month, but I am also on the hunt for man meat. What if I meet a nice guy and we’re ready to take the plunge down under? Should I wait until my appointment, or just shower ahead of time and hope for the best?



Dear Man-hunter,

Not only are your “genitals kinda wack lately,” it sounds like you are, too.

If you’re “not sure what’s going on down there,” why the hell would you want to put that on someone else? Seriously. I’m happy to hear you have a doctor’s appointment. Go to it. And stop riding your bike until the doctor has had a look.

“Should I wait until my appointment, or just shower ahead of time and hope for the best?” That is disgusting. People like you, people who make statements or ask questions like that, have to be the No. 1 reason STDs, along with other germs and diseases, spread so rapidly and successfully.

Please consider your hunting license revoked for the next four to six weeks, or until your wack self takes care of that wack situation in your shorts.

• • •

Dear PTU,

I’m in a relationship with another guy at Pima. I am a full-time student, and I am on the track to become a lawyer. My boyfriend may be a student at Pima, but he’s enrolled in one elective, and he can’t even wake up before noon. I gently ask him where he wants to go in life, what his passions are, and where he sees himself five years from now. He always just says he’ll be happy with me. That’s not enough. I’m torn. I love him, and our families are both supportive of our relationship, but I need a man who can challenge me. Any advice?

– Your Local Sexy Lawyer Man

Dear LSLM,

You answered your own question when you said “it’s not enough.” Your partner, although you clearly have feelings for him, is not going to be your life-long partner. You guys are on completely different pages, quite possibly different books, in different libraries.

The point is, your current man isn’t the one for you.

It’s high time you drop the zero and find yourself a hero.

• • •

OK for this column: Anything and everything, tame to profane. Delightful or painful. Medical or medically induced. Funny, sexy, raunchy or concerned, worried, in need of help.

NOT OK for this column: Anything illegal.

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