Creating a knockin’ boots playlist, conquering intimacy avoidance


Dear Mr. Bryan:

Music has ALWAYS been a driving point to my life. Many songs act as a time capsule to certain events in my life. 

Having said that, who doesn’t enjoy making love to good music? The problem is “shuffle” on the phone can get you into trouble or quite frankly ruin the mood of you or your partner. Example: music from Eazy-E.

Anyway, are there songs you would recommend that would make a sexual experience that much better?

Tone deaf reader,

“Dylan Cash Brown”

Dear DCB:

Music plays an instrumental part in my life as well. (That was way too easy/cheesy, but my Eddie-tor loves puns). You’ve written to the right man, DCB. You’ll be happy to hear the answer to your question is a highly confident YES, I can help you.

Not only do I have songs I can recommend but, barring some catastrophic failure on your part, this list will work for you and your partner(s) for years to come. Years to cum.

Without further adieu, I present to you and my other naughty followers: Pretty Tied Up’s “Knockin’ boots’ playlist.” You’re welcome.

1.) Rihanna – “Yeah I Said It”

2.) Fiona Apple – “Criminal”

3.) Red Hot Chili Peppers – “Sir Psycho Sexy”

4.) Candyman – “Knockin’ Boots”

5.) Isley Brothers – “Between the Sheets”

6.) Muddy Waters – “Tom Cat”

7.) Nine Inch Nails – “Closer”

8.) Sam Cooke – “That’s Where It’s At”

9.) Otis Redding – “That’s How Strong My Love Is”

10.) Mazzy Starr – “Fade in to You”


Dear Mr. Bryan:

I’m a 24-year-old U of A student. I have found that, although I’m comfortable doing anything while in the act of having sex, I’m not comfortable with intimacy before or after sex. I run from non-sexual intimacy as fast as I can. I haven’t had any sexual trauma in my life. Why am I having trouble with intimacy outside of sexual interactions? 

Distantly yours,

Laid then confused

Dear LTC:

Your desire to avoid intimacy is quite possibly caused by early childhood trauma. That doesn’t have to mean sexual abuse or sexual trauma.

Unfortunately, any kind of childhood trauma will do. Your intimacy issues can come from neglect, emotional abandonment or other forms of childhood crap that we’re all left to deal with in adulthood.

Sadly, we learn that getting close to someone equals getting hurt by someone. Therefore, we tend to run from any significant emotional connections.

Adults like yourself decide that their relationships will simply never work, thinking they are better off having short-term, meaningless relationships.

I’m willing to bet you tend to gravitate toward emotionally unavailable partners.

Those relationships are (usually) doomed from the start. You’re both emotionally challenged people who struggle to connect in a worthwhile way.

The good news? Our attachment styles are formed in childhood, but they are not permanent. Through therapy, or through the process of establishing other healthy and healing relationships, people with intimacy problems can develop healthy, intimate relationships.

Lack of true intimacy has a deep-seated impact on your quality of life. With self-awareness and hard work, you can reach your true emotional and physical intimacy potential.

I hope this helps.

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