HOROSCOPES

By MICHEAL ROMERO

Aries (March 21-April 19)

“Did you see that ruca? She looks just like Salinas!” Bust out the “Washer Machine” and all of your dad’s Selena albums.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

“What’d you say about my mama? You feel sorry for who?” Add King Kendrick’s new album to your playlist and get caught up in delinquent-type activities. You’re a rebel.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

“Are y’all throwing a party? There’s rumors … in the Twittersphere.” Throw a party and bump “Gas Pedal” by Sage the Gemini all night. It’s still a banger.

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

“But you ain’t got no legs Lt. Dan!” Go for a run. Wear a reflective vest so you don’t get run over. Play “Free Bird” and begin your run at the end of the song where it gets all fast.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

“A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun.” Take charge of a situation and show everyone who is boss. Listen to “Circle of Life” and eat an antelope … or maybe just a cantaloupe.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)

“Allow nothing to be in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.” Time for Spring cleaning. Purge the excess in your life with songs by DJ Shadow as the soundtrack.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

“The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, ‘What about the strain on our resources?’” Make sure you’re registered to vote and bump “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister in the process.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“Thunder always comes after lightning, ka-chow!” Go fast and go hard. You’re invincible. Listen to “Kickstart My Heart” by Motley Crue in the car really loud.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)

“Mohammed is the most commonly used name on Earth, read a F-ing book for once!” Get a good read in during your spare time. Listen to jazz without vocals, like some Stan Getz tracks.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)

“I’ve never had one before … What a room to yourself? A bed.” You’re tired and need to sleep. Play ocean sounds or ambient Brian Eno music while you nap and reflect on all that you have.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“So you’re a killer? Let me see your war face!” Go aggressive with your workout and yell really loud at the gym as you finish sets. Play the Full Metal Jacket soundtrack like you’re training for Vietnam.

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20)

“You’re a wizard, Harry.” There’s magic in the air, so be magical. Play “Rude” by MAGIC! because that song is still sweet.

Filed Under: Arts/EntertainmentHoroscope

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