Top 10 ways to pass the (other) bar exam

By ARLO COSTALES

Want to avoid being kicked out of a bar? Here are my top 10 suggestions for actions to stay away from:

1. Breaking bottles.

If you break your beverage’s container, your bartender can be nice and give you a new drink or you may be shit-out-of-luck and must buy a new one. Continuous and/or intentional glass breaking will lead to your dismissal.

2. Fighting.

This should go without saying but so does most of this list. Be civil. Gents, leave that unoriginal macho energy at home. Ladies, that girl across the bar is not giving your man the sexy eyes.

3. No cash.

The days of having a running tab at a bar are long gone. Bring cash and prepare to spend it.

4. Too drunk.

I suppose it’s for your own safety, but most bartenders won’t let you get completely black out drunk. Put your head down at a bar and you’re done.

5. Rough housing.

This is typically more for the fellas. After one too many shots, arm wrestling and toasting seems like a good idea. It’s not. It is unbecoming, disturbs the general peace of the bar and is a quick way to get ejected.    

6. Restrooms.

There are usually both male and female bathrooms available. A good way to get the boot from your local watering hole is to use the opposite sex’s toilet. An even easier way to be exiled is by avoiding lines and designating your own private urinal in a bush.

7. Drugs.

If you’re planning to be approached by a random stranger soliciting drugs, a bar is your best bet. No that person does not work for the bar, and drugs are bad. And just because pot is somewhat legal these days, it doesn’t make it a good idea to light one up on the patio.

8. Sex.

It is not uncommon to meet the love of your life at your favorite dive but show some class and keep your pants on. At least wait for the cab ride home.

9. Taking drinks.

Just because someone orders a beer and leaves the bar with the glass half full, doesn’t mean it’s kosher to prevent the beverage from going to waste. Your good deed is thievery.

10. Not tipping.

Although you don’t legally have to tip, it is a good idea. Most bartenders will stop looking your way or in some cases disconnect your service. Cough up the loot, cheapskate.

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