CRACKING WISE: Looking back to look forward

BY DAVID MENDEZ

aztecpress@pima.edu

 

It’s summer, and the end of the school year is all but upon us.

It’s a time to look forward – to longer hours at work, to new classes and to shorter vacations than you’d like.

Personally, I like to take this time to look back at my body of work. For the benefit of my critics, I’m going to do so publicly.

Come on! Let’s look back at my failings as a writer and a human in less than 350 words.

Take my “Bejeweled” column, published March 24. “There’s always a gem blinking somewhere, Pima. Whenever you’re stuck, in games or in life, there’s always a solution.”

One reader’s reaction? “Oatmeal.”

Dull as dried paint and bland as British food. Looking back, this is like watching a football player in a batting cage: It’s only just entertaining and for the wrong reasons. This is why you won’t see me doing uplifting self-help anytime soon.

Speaking of self-help, how about my “Talk to us, Pima!” column? “You see, although I can hear your praise and applause from all around the Tucson area (it sounds remarkably similar to excited crickets), I’m missing your insightful comments – your ideas, your comebacks, your insults.”

I couldn’t have sounded any more like a shill if I had tried to throw in a free massage for every five comments we got on our stories… which we can’t afford on our budget.

My Jan. 27 “Zombies” column takes the cake, though. “All I know is that if the zombie apocalypse is near, I’m heading to the concrete fortress that is West Campus.” If this column were a scarecrow, the Wizard of Oz would’ve denied its request for brains because it wouldn’t put them to good use.

In retrospect: I’m funny. You know it, I know it and the one dude who added me on Facebook because he recognized me from my column knows it.

But sometimes I’m off my game. When that happens, let me know. I’d like to be held to a higher standard than most Arizona politicians.

 

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