CRACKING WISE: The demise of Myspace

BY DAVID MENDEZ

aztecpress@pima.edu

Hey, remember Myspace?

You may be asking, “Who cares about Myspace anymore? I certainly don’t.”

You’re not alone, people who talk to yourselves in the cafeteria. I can’t remember the last time I logged in.

After all, I’m not a porn star or a rapper desperate for attention. I’m also not one of the people I went to high school with who started popping out kids after graduation.

Between the shrinking user base and ever-declining ad revenue, Myspace owner News Corporation has decided to put the sinking ship up for sale. It’s actually been rebranded as “My_____.”

So who’s willing to purchase this wreck?

According to the Wall Street Journal, a few huge investment firms have started serious discussions. But why let little things like “facts” get in the way of baseless conjecture?

Facebook seems like a potential buyer. The idea of a dominant company merging with a weaker one in its field isn’t new.

It won’t work, though. Facebook programmers would have strokes just looking at pages the average Myspacer creates, thanks to the obsession some women have with animated Tinkerbell pictures.

Then there’s Yahoo, the only place I know to actually find chat rooms these days. Combining the two to create a social beast makes sense.

However, combining the two would create a porn advertising singularity that makes the entire Internet smell like shame and KY jelly.

We’ll end with Vevo, the record industry’s effort to stay relevant in the digital age.

With its presence on YouTube, Vevo has actually been somewhat successful, even if it’s getting blown out of the water by flash-in-the-pan darlings like Rebecca Black.

This merger actually makes sense. “My_____” decided to become a place for music about the same time it dropped the “space,” so becoming a tool of the record industry would suit it fine.

It would suit the recording industry just fine, too. No industry does more to support dead technology than one that thinks overcharging for CDs is a good idea in 2011.

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  1. Chris carter says:

    Cleverly written. Like it

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